Inner Banks Laughter - New Year's Humor

A little girl was watching her parents dress for the New Year's eve party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."

"And why not, darling?" the father asked.

"You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."

Thanks To Lucianne.com For Posting This

Rev. Joe Wright offered this prayer to the Kansas State Legislature. It is timely for all of us.

Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask your forgiveness and to seek your direction and guidance. We know Your Word says, "Woe to those who call evil good", but that is exactly what we have done. We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and reversed our values. We confess that.

We have ridiculed the absolute truth of Your Word and called it Pluralism,
We have exploited the poor and called it the Lottery,
We have rewarded laziness and called it Welfare,
We have killed our unborn and called it Choice,
We have shot abortionists and called it Justifiable,
We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building Self-esteem,
We have abused power and called it Politics,
We have coveted our neighbor's possessions and called it Ambition,
We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it Freedom-of-expression,
We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our forefathers and called it Enlightenment.

Search us, Oh, God, and know our hearts today; cleanse us from every sin and set us free. Guide and bless these men and women who have been sent to direct us to the center of Your will and to openly ask these things in the name of Your Son, the living Savior, Jesus Christ.

Amen

Carpenter’s Tools - It’s that time . . . . .

By Pastor Wallace Phillips – December 22, 2006


The words of Ecclesiastes remind us that there is a time to be born and a time to die…a time to mourn and a time to laugh…a time to plant and a time to reap, etc. As I come to the conclusion of another calendar year, I find that desire in my heart to say something special today. It’s my time to say “thanks”. Thank you for …..

….taking the time to read another column in the paper.

….reading my inspiration and sharing it with others.

….reminding me of what you gain from another “Carpenter’s Tools” column.

I don’t pass through a week without someone saying something about what I have written. I’m honored to be able to write weekly and remember when Jim Waller approached me about beginning this column over 12 years ago. Thanks Jim! You afforded me an opportunity that I treasure.

It’s that time – time to evaluate at the close of another year. We celebrate the Savior’s birth, enjoy the Christmas season and move on to closure on the calendar. And it’s time….time to reflect….time to rejoice…..and time to reach for the goals set before you.

Thank you! Thank you for including me in your reading time. May God’s best be yours as you seek to accomplish His will for your life in 2007. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Please visit us on the web at http://www.cscministries.com/ or http://www.wallacephillips.org/

Inner Banks Laughter - Christmas Humor

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

- - George Carlin

Carpenter’s Tools - Live from Williamsburg . . . . .

By Pastor Wallace Phillips – December 15, 2006


I know….I know! You guys are wondering if I ever stay home. Last week it was “Live from Starbucks. This week it’s live from Williamsburg. Let me tell you that I have learned the wisdom of frequent short-term getaways in ministry. Jesus set the precedent. Over and over you will see the pattern that Jesus lived by. The Bible declares in several places…”But Jesus often withdrew himself to lonely places.” The ministry is very taxing on anyone. There are no 9 – 5’s; no regular stops and starts. And if you’re dedicated to the ministry that God has assigned to your hands, you will be busy. I thank God for that which He has called us to do. And ….I thank God for the provision of those overnights that He gives us to “find a lonely place”. We always come back recharged and ready for the ministry ahead of us. I think if you ask anyone in our congregation if it does the pastor well to get away, they would give you a resounding “YES”. Our people have even commented on the fact that they notice the effectiveness and the level of anointing when Joy and I have removed ourselves from the daily tasks and rested.

How about your pastor? Have you encouraged him and his spouse to get away? Have you provided a platform for them to do that? You can you know. You can accommodate the ministry couple with a place as a gift. God will bless you and He will empower them. That’s all I have to say from ……Williamsburg, VA! See you guys at CSC on Sunday.

Please visit us on the web at http://www.cscministries.com/ or http://www.wallacephillips.org/

Inner Banks Laughter - Environmental Humor

Cow 'Emissions' More Damaging To Planet Than CO2 From Cars

by Geoffrey Lean, Environment Editor - December 10th, 2006 - The Independent (U.K.)

A United Nations report has identified the world's rapidly growing herds of cattle as the greatest threat to the climate, forests and wildlife. And they are blamed for a host of other environmental crimes, from acid rain to the introduction of alien species, from producing deserts to creating dead zones in the oceans, from poisoning rivers and drinking water to destroying coral reefs.

The 400-page report by the Food and Agricultural Organisation, entitled Livestock's Long Shadow, also surveys the damage done by sheep, chickens, pigs and goats. But in almost every case, the world's 1.5 billion cattle are most to blame. Livestock are responsible for 18 per cent of the greenhouse gases that cause global warming, more than cars, planes and all other forms of transport put together.

I love it. The funniest writing taking place on our planet is the hypothetically serious writing of so-called environmentalists. Take a gander at this article and see what I mean. Of course it includes the usual swipes at America. It is written by a vegetarian who hates meat. PETA is an example of the anti-human vegetarian oriented environmentalists who "eat this argument" whole.

Sorry. I couldn't resist.

Carpenter’s Tools - Live from Starbucks . . . . .

By Pastor Wallace Phillips – December 8th, 2006


It’s Friday….the coldest day we’ve had yet. I’m sitting in a Starbucks doin’ some work.

Starbucks? Ahoskie doesn’t have a Starbucks!

That’s right. We don’t. So…I’m in Greenville, N.C…….early in the morning as I write today. It’s beautiful. It’s cold; the coldest day so far. I’m going to use this place to work for a couple of hours or so. My mind is clear and I’m inspired. I’m watching the people as they kindly serve one another – Good morning! May I get that door for you? Excuse me. Etc. These are all the kind things said from one customer to another. We need to be kind at Christmas. We need to be kind all year long. Consider this…live from Starbuck’s ---

"Christmas is forever,
not for just one day;
for loving, sharing, giving,
are not to be put away;
like bells and lights and tinsel,
in some box upon a shelf.
The good you do for others
is the good you do yourself."

Norman W. Brooks
"Let Every Day Be Christmas"

That’s it…live from the coffee hotspot in America! Merry Christmas!

Please visit us on the web at http://www.cscministries.com/ or http://www.wallacephillips.org/

Inner Banks Laughter - Thought For The Day

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
-- Dave Barry

Inner Banks Laughter - Divorce Humor

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing (and then they marry him).

Carpenter’s Tools - Naughty or Nice? . . . . .

By Pastor Wallace Phillips – December 1st, 2006


We have taken the holiday of all holidays and turned it into commercial chaos. The day that is set aside to celebrate the Lord’s birth has been commercialized into a season about us rather than Him. “What do you want for Christmas?” That seems to be the big question. Again, the center of this season is anyone other than Jesus.

In fact, we find ourselves singing…”Oh you better watch out, you better not pout. You better not cry, I’m tellin’ you why – Santa Claus is coming to town!” We tell the kids that he sees you when you sleeping and even knows when you’re naughty or nice. The fact is - We are all naughty!

Romans 3:23 tells us that “we have all sinned and fall short of the glory of God”. We miss the mark. We transgress the known laws of God and find ourselves “falling short” of His plan for our lives. We have been naughty. But…He has been nice; nice enough to send the Savior to die for us so that we might live.

Why don’t you focus on the real meaning of this season? Have a wonderful holiday season and spend your money sharing God’s love.

Please visit us on the web at http://www.cscministries.com/ or http://www.wallacephillips.org/