Inner Banks Laughter - Blonde Humor

This is the best new blonde joke I have heard in quite a while!

A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten.

We all looked at each other and another customer asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?"

She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one.." She said she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.

The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710.

He then took her over to another car which had its hood up and asked "is there a 710 on this car?" She pointed and said, "Of course, it's right there, duh!"

If you're not sure what a 710 is click here.

Gubernatorial Candidate Mixes Barbecue With Politics

by Cal Bryant - December 14th, 2007 - Roanoke-Chowan News-Herald



Joe Humphries, Deidre Jersey and Joe Avery arrive in Ahoskie with Senator Fred Smith

AHOSKIE - If barbecue is king in North Carolina, then Fred Smith is its prince.

Smith, a Johnston County native, was in the area last week stumping for votes as he hopes to earn the Republican Party’s gubernatorial nomination for governor next spring and then vie in the November 2008 general election for the state’s highest elected office.

And in true North Carolina fashion, Smith is soliciting votes through a series of meetings he proclaims as his statewide barbecue tour. Smith plans to chow down on one of the state’s most traditional meals (pork barbecue, slaw, beans, potatoes, cornbread and sweet tea) in all 100 counties. To date, he has covered just over 60 counties with stops planned for tomorrow (Thursday) in Greene and Lenoir.

At last week’s gathering at the Ahoskie Inn, Smith was greeted by a room full of supporters from all four Roanoke-Chowan area counties. There, his message was as powerful as the plaque which sits behind his office desk….“The difference between good and great is a little extra effort.”

“I made that wooden plaque in my high school shop class and it has been with me everywhere,” Smith said. “That’s what I think will win me a bid, with your support, to run for governor…a little extra effort.”

I missed Cal's article when it came out which is why I am linking to it late. I posted my own article about the event when Fred Smith came to Ahoskie here, but did not see this one. It is a good article about a great candidate. For more pictures of the local BBQ event Cal mentioned, check out my article.

French President Nicolas Sarkozy Drives Democrats Crazy

Nicolas Sarkozy is an avid American Supporter, and a supporter of George Bush policies in the war against the Islamo-fascists. However the differences between Nicolas Sarkozy and George Bush in the area of family values is pretty clear. Recently divorced, Sarkozy took his new girl friend, former super model and current rock singer Carla Bruni on a vacation to Egypt this week.




Bruni has dated several famous men, including rock stars, and is herself famous for the thousands of nude photographs that can be found if you search her name on the Internet. I have included one of the milder ones below. Some clothed pictures, including several of her pictures on the cover of Elle Magazine, can be found here.





Democrats cannot understand how someone who has the casual attitude towards sex of this famous French politician can possibly be a Bush supporter. According to them the world hates America. Finding out that it is just democrats that hate America is driving them crazy.

Illegal Immigration: The Canadian Problem

From the Manitoba Herald , Canada (a very underground paper):

The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration.

The actions of President Bush are prompting the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and agree with Bill O'Reilly. Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal- rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night.

'I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,' said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield , whose acreage borders North Dakota . The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. 'He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?'

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields. 'Not real effective,' he said. 'The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk.'

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves. 'A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions,' an Ontario border patrolman said. 'I found one carload without a drop of drinking water. 'They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though.'

When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.

In recent days, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers on Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney hits to prove they were alive in the '50s. ' If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age,' an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies 'I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them,' an Ottawa resident said. 'How many art-history majors does one country need?

In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada , Vice President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source close to Cheney said. We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might put some endangered species on postage stamps. The president is determined to reach out.'



If you have not figured it out, this is a joke!

Inner Banks Laughter - Microsoft And A Halter Top

What do Microsoft and a halter top have in common?

Both offer very little support!

Inner Banks Laughter - Breaking The News Is Worth A Beer

Steve, Bob, and Jeff were working on a very high scaffolding. Suddenly, Steve falls 50 feet to the ground below and he is killed instantly.
After the coroner leaves with Steve''s body, Bob volunteers to inform Steve''s wife of the terrible news. Some two hours later, Bob returns to the work site with a six-pack of beer under his arms.

"Say, Bob, where did you get the six-pack?"

"Steve''s wife gave it to me!"

"What! You just told her that Steve died and she gave you a six-pack?"

"Well, before I broke the news to her, I asked her if she was Steve''s widow. And, she said she wasn''t, so I said I''d bet her a six-pack she was!"


. . . and you wonder why men and women can't communicate.

Inner Banks Laughter - The 3 Stages Of Man

He believes in Santa Claus.

He doesn't believe in Santa Claus.

He is Santa Claus.

Carpenter’s Tools - Live From Miami! . . . .

By Pastor Wallace Phillips - December 6th, 2007


I’ve often humorously asked the question – “What is the capital of Cuba?” Next, I would give the answer – “Miami”. It seems that you need to learn Spanish as a second language if you’re going to be in this tropical area of the Sun Coast.

I’m here now and I am amazed at the varied cultures that live and thrive here. People are so kind. It’s a far cry from CSI:Miami from my eyes. I know the crime and ill-will exists, but that’s everywhere. Florida has blessed my wife and I these past few days and has given us a tremendous opportunity to do a daily study of life and culture. That’s actually why we’re here to begin with.

I am slated for the worldwide television program on Trinity Broadcast Network. My subject will more than likely be the wonder of how God ripped prejudice from my heart. I’d like to say it’s all gone, but humanity is humanity. I think we all battle that evil from time to time. Nevertheless, I have devoted my life to loving people—all people. Culture encourages me because I see the awesome love of God displayed in his people. He’s a God of variety. “Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in His sight.”

Miami has afforded me the opportunity to see, once again, that God has a people everywhere in this earth that live for Him. From the gentle Haitian cabdriver who talked to someone over the phone about the grace and mercy of God, to the kind-hearted African-American bellman at the hotel who exemplified the fruit of the Spirit of gentleness, to the smiling Jewish-Italian Morris Cerullo that I had the pleasure to speak…all of which reminded me that God has a huge family of varied peoples from every nation, tribe, and tongue.

I am one of them. I’m Caucasion, I’m American, I’m middle-classed. But….I’m a Christian first. How about you? Live from Miami…I’m reminding you to never judge people on the basis of their skin.


Please visit us on the web at http://www.cscministries.com/ or http://www.wallacephillips.org/

Financial Records Show Parton Spent On Alcohol

. . Las Vegas shows

by Staff - December 7th, 2007 - Durham Herald Sun

Mayor Drewery Beale said Friday that he believes the country music singer -- best known for being the brother of star Dolly Parton -- has violated a clause in his contract requiring him to "perform in a professional manner." He cited several instances, including one Thursday in which a visibly impaired Randy Parton "had to be escorted out and carried home."

Parton's scheduled appearances for the rest of the year have been canceled, and Beale said: "I doubt Mr. Parton will be performing at the theater anytime soon."

It looks like the Roanoke Rapids officials are starting to understand what a monumental mistake they made in putting together this theatre based on Randy Parton. They need to move quickly to find a new headliner for this facility or it is going to become such a symbol of failure that they will never build the kind of entertainment complex that will aid their area.

The reality is that Parton will never be able to get his sister involved, and that was what the area thought they were getting when they signed Randy. Randy Parton is a hair dresser and minor musician, not at all in the mold of his famous sibling. He has never had any hits and making him the headliner for this facility is an embarrassment. Get rid of him and try to cleanse the stench he has brought to their facility as quickly as possible.

Hertford County BBQ Is Senator Fred Smith's 59th

Wednesday morning the Senator Fred Smith Bus for the 100 County BBQ Tour pulled in to the parking lot beside the Ahoskie Inn. This is the location for Fred's 59th BBQ in this statewide tour. With this being the 59th, Senator Smith is well past halfway in his campaign for Governor.




Joe Avery (shown above right rear), Republican Party Chairman for 2nd District was along for this event, along with Joe Humphries (on left) and Deidre Jersey (in middle). All are old friends and it was good to see them.




Bill Fields, Eastern North Carolina Campaign Manager and Joe Humphries, set up the front desk for registration in anticipation of a big crowd.




As people arrived, Senator Fred Smith spends time greeting them. Here he meets the Bridgers.




John Tayloe, Vice President of Development for our local Chowan University spent some time updating Senator Smith on recent improvements at the University.




Jeff Whelan and his family performed for the event and provided some great music.




There was a great crowd present, and when they got started, Dan Phillips (shown below), Hertford County Republican Party Chairman acted as Master of Ceremonies.




Ellen Whelan (shown below) gave the invocation.




Byran Buck led the crowd in the Pledge of Allegiance.




Deidre Jersey led the crowd in singing the National Anthem.




After everyone had eaten, they played the standard Fred Smith introductory video while Fred waited to be introduced. The Video always ends with the playing of the Lee Greenwood written campaign song. Click here to listen.





Fred gave his usual campaign speech, in which he talks about why he is going to all the effort to visit all 100 counties in North Carolina at least once each during this primary campaign. He tells about growing up in the Methodist Orphanage in Raleigh, and the struggles in business which ultimately were rewarded by success.





Senator Fred Smith spoke of his love for our State of North Carolina, and his belief that government is out of touch with what the majority of people want. He talked about the things that make us great and the things that help us enjoy the freedom of our great nation America. These talks are always a great dialogue, and in Hertford County there were a number of questions about illegal immigration and its impact on the future of our nation and state. This issue seems to be getting more and more focus.Though I have seen Fred make a powerful speech in a more formal environment, these talks are always low key, personal and sincere. It is part of what makes them such a great connection between Fred and the people who come out.




When he finishes his speech there are always a great number of people who want Fred to autograph his biography for them. Here Jean Pratt (shown above on left) gets her copy signed.




The meeting was closed by singing "God Bless America", led by Deidre Jersey. This is the traditional way that Fred closes his BBQs and it is always a great ending.

Afterwards everyone loaded up on the campaign bus (shown at the door of the Ahoskie Inn above) to head out for the Chowan County BBQ.

Fred really lives the theme of his autobiography, "The difference between good and great is a little extra effort." The Hertford County stop on the Fred Smith Statewide BBQ Tour was a resounding success thanks to all the great people who came out.