Inner Banks Laughter - Male Humor

According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes.

And women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.

Inner Banks Laughter - Female Humor

I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into her stuff.

Carpenter’s Tools - 30 years and counting! . . . . .

By Pastor Wallace Phillips – May 24th, 2007


On Sunday, June the 3rd, New Vision Ministries of Murfreesboro, North Carolina will celebrate 30 years of ministry to the greater Murfreesboro area. Pastor Sandy Outlaw and the congregation will join together for a wonderful time of worship with the founding pastor, Phil Foster.

30 years! That’s a great milestone to celebrate and a great time to turn the page to a new chapter in the life of this ministry. The name has changed! What used to be Murfreesboro Assembly of God is now New Vision Ministries of Murfreesboro, N.C. The vision of renewed…it’s fresh…it’s powerful…and it’s a reminder that God will lead and guide you as you serve Him and his vision. Psalm 31:3 states…”For you are my rock and my fortress; for your name’s sake you will lead me and guide me.”

Congratulations New Vision! 30 years of God’s leadership….30 years of God’s guidance….and 30 years of presenting the gospel message to the greater Murfreesboro area. May your years continue and may New Vision exceed the expectation that you have for all that God has assigned to your hands.

Please visit us on the web at http://www.cscministries.com/ or http://www.wallacephillips.org/

Inner Banks Laughter - Medical Humor

Suffering from a bad case of the flu, the outraged patient bellowed, "Three weeks??? The doctor can't see me for three weeks??? I could well be dead by then!"

Calmly the voice at the other end of the line replied, "If so, would you please have your wife call to cancel the appointment?"

Inner Banks Laughter - Car Humor

When I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, I was told the keys had been locked in it. I went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "It's open!" To which he replied, "I know - I already got that side."

How to Read the New Testament

by Mike S. Adams - May 21, 2007 - Townhall.com

Once an individual realizes he is stuck here on earth and will not be raptured away from all of his troubles, he can begin to read the Bible the way it was intended to be read. I have a word of advice for those who have never really thought about reading the Bible as an end in itself rather than as a means to some goal such as predicting the future. My advice is actually borrowed from a friend who received a moving card from his wife just a few months ago.

After receiving the cherished card from his wife, my friend would sneak into their bedroom late at night (she always fell asleep while he was finishing his last TV show). After giving her a kiss while she was sleeping, he would take the card off his dresser and go into the spare room to read it by the light of a small lamp.

There were certain lines he would read three and four times over: “It is a privilege to know you, to share myself with you,” “I never knew such a person could exist until I met you,” and “You lift my spirits to places where my troubles seem so much farther away.”

It was wonderful to hear that a dear friend had found his “soul mate” and all of the joy that comes from lifelong companionship. But, at the same time, I could not listen to his story without thinking of all the other friends I know who have suffered through a painful divorce or, in some cases, never even met someone with whom they share a special bond of love. And some are growing older and lonelier by the day.

Mike Adams is rapidly replacing Thomas Sowell as the first writer I turn to when I am feeling lonely or depressed. He is usually funny, sometimes bitingly so. However recently he has found a new theme in the importance of expressing our love for our friends and family.

I know this is true. However like most people I have not always appreciatated how hard you have to work to sustain love. Sometimes we let down those we love more than anyone else. I have certainly failed those who tried to love me and I deeply regret it.

Sometimes those we love let us down even if they love us. Can we forgive them and move on or do we make things worse by pointing out our hurts?

However at least one thing Mike has not dealt with yet along this theme is what happens when you love someone and they do not return the love. What do you do?

So far my solution has been to simply keep loving. Not a good solution. Leaves you lonely. Getting love is at least as important as giving love. Anyone got a better suggestion?

This article is a good read though and gives good advice to those who are lonely. It deals with something we all need to work on. I highly recommend it.

Carpenter’s Tools - $3.05 and rising! . . . . .

By Pastor Wallace Phillips – May 20th, 2007


I rounded the corner of Memorial and CC Road in our city today and saw the Hess guy up on his ladder changing the price of gas. He placed the digits quickly to read “Regular $3.05 per gallon!” Oh…..my! When will all of this stop? When will the price of gasoline in our nation stop climbing? I don’t know.

My mind went quickly back to my childhood days growing up down the street from my grandfather’s country store. I can see his gas sign flapping in the wind with those big red letters that read ….. .19 cents a gallon. Wow! Times have changed.

Things constantly change. Gas prices change…..people change….weather changes……circumstances change. However, there is one thing that never changes – the awesome character of our God. He said, “I am the Lord thy God and I change not!” The New Testament writer declared…”Jesus Christ – the same yesterday, today, and forever!”

Gas prices? $3.05 and rising! They are always changing. Thank God…He is the same!

Oh….drive less and stay home more.

Please visit us on the web at http://www.cscministries.com/ or http://www.wallacephillips.org/

Inner Banks Laughter - Mothers Day Humor

The Stages of Motherhood

4 Years Of Age - My Mommy can do anything.

8 Years Of Age - My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot.

12 Years Of Age -My Mother doesn't really know quite everything.

14 Years Of Age -Naturally, Mother doesn't know that, either.

16 Years Of Age -Mother? She's hopelessly old-fashioned.

18 Years Of Age -That old woman? She's way out of date.

25 Years Of Age -Well, she might know a little bit about it.

35 Years Of Age -Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion.

45 Years Of Age -Wonder what Mom would have thought about it.

65 Years Of Age -Wish, I could talk it over with Mom.

Inner Banks Laughter - Blonde Humor

One day a blonde is sitting on a plane next to one of those annoying, pushy businessmen. He asks her if she would like to play a game. She politely declines, but the man explains the game to her anyway. He says, "It goes like this: I will ask you a question and if you get it wrong you will give me $5, and vice-versa."

She says no again, and tries to fall asleep.

The man tries harder, saying, "Aw, come on. I'll give you $50 for each question. Or how about $500?" At that number, the blonde agrees. The businessman explains again, "If you get my question wrong you give me $5. And when you ask the question, and I get it wrong, I will pay you $500.

"Got it," she replies.

He asks, "Who was the sixth president?" She admits she doesn't know and gives him $5. Now it's her turn, and she says, "What has purple legs, five arms and only two yellow teeth?" The businessman doesn't know - he uses his laptop, checks the Internet, e-mails his friends. No one knows the answer. So he gives her $500.00.

Then, as they're landing he asks her, "What was that thing anyway?"

She thinks a few minutes, hands him $5 and walks off the plane.

Carpenter’s Tools - Flower Power! . . . . .

By Pastor Wallace Phillips – May10th, 2007


I remember the days – the flower child days. You know….hippies…..anti-war sentiments…..flowers in the hair….flowers painted on the side of those Volkswagen vans. Those were the days of the flower child! It’s actually fun to see the dress of that day return to our youth. It brings a smile to the heart. And so do the flowers!

This past week my dear friend Robert Hurdle has been beautifying the Lord’s house at Carpenter’s Shop Church – his home church. Placing the Impatiens, the Hibiscus, the Marigolds, and the like have each added a touch of beauty. The flowers have imparted a tremendous touch to the house and the people of God noted it as they entered this past Sunday.

The Bible says “the heavens declare the glory of God and the skies proclaim his handiwork.” All creation displays the wonder and the majesty of our God. Look at them and see his hands. Look at them and see the One who created all these for our enjoyment. Look at them and realize that our God has “flower power!” Go God!

Please visit us on the web at http://www.cscministries.com/ or http://www.wallacephillips.org/

Inner Banks Laughter - Religious Humor

One Sunday morning, a priest wakes up and decides to go golfing. He calls his Bishop and says that he feels very sick, and won't be able to conduct services. Way up in heaven, Saint Peter sees all this and asks God, ''Are you really going to let him get away with this?''

''No, I guess not,'' says God.

The priest drives about five to six hours away, so he doesn't bump into anyone he knows. The golf course is empty when he gets there. So he takes his first swing, drives the ball 495 yards away and gets a hole in one. Saint Peter watches in disbelief and asks, '' Why did you let him do that?''

To this God says, ''Who's he going to tell?''

Inner Banks Laughter - Israel Humor

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Inner Banks Laughter - Religious Humor

Everything I need to know about life, I learned from Noah's Ark

One : Don't miss the boat.

Two : Remember that we are all in the same boat.

Three : Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.

Four : Stay fit when you're 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.

Five : Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.

Six : Build your future on high ground.

Seven : For safety's sake, travel in pairs.

Eight : Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.

Nine : When you're stressed, float a while.

Ten : Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.

Inner Banks Laughter - Political Humor

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost. The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day. The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo.

Carpenter’s Tools - The Dream . . . . .

By Pastor Wallace Phillips – May 4th, 2007


I recently heard someone speak about their feelings concerning naming one of our streets after Dr. King. In ignorance, they speak of what they do not know based upon the color of a man’s skin. Dr. King spoke out for human rights for all people. Consider this ---

"I look forward confidently to the day when all who work for a living will be one with no thought to their separateness, or any other distinctions. This will be the day when we bring into full realization the American dream -- a dream yet unfulfilled. A dream of equality of opportunity, of privilege and property widely distributed; a dream of a land where men will not take necessities from the many to give luxuries to the few; a dream of a land where men will not argue that the color of a man's skin determines the content of his character; a dream of a nation where all our gifts and resources are held not for ourselves alone, but as instruments of service for the rest of humanity; the dream of a country where every man will respect the dignity and worth of the human personality."

---- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Did you know that Christ died for that dream? He did. His prayer was “that we would be one”. Colossians teaches us that “in Christ there is no Jew nor Greek, no male or female, no bond nor free.” In Christ, we are all the same. He is no respecter of persons. I wonder why we are? I wonder why we still judge a man today because of the last little layer of his skin.

Jesus prayed that we would be one. Many orators down through the years have advocated the unity the God desires. Dr. King tried his best to see that the people of his day were one. I am still dreaming the same. And if you are offended by this little article then you are “prejudging” based upon the color of a man’s skin.

Offended? Turn to I John 4:7,8.

Please visit us on the web at http://www.cscministries.com/ or http://www.wallacephillips.org/

Biblical reference - 1 John 4
7 Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.
8 He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.

Inner Banks Laughter - Fishing Humor

Two men have been sitting out on a lake all day long, ice fishing. One has been having no luck at all and the other has been pulling fish after fish out of his hole in the ice. The man having no luck finally leans over and asks the other what his secrect is.
"mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm."
"I'm sorry, what did you say?"
"mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm."
"I'm sorry, I still didn't understand you." The successful man spits something into his hand.
"You've got to keep your worms warm."

Inner Banks Laughter - Political Humor

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