Inner Banks Laughter - Education Humor

Two young engineers applied for a single position at a computer company. They both had the same qualifications. In order to determine which individual to hire, the applicants were asked to take a test by the department manager.

Upon completion of the test, both men had each missed only one of the questions. However the manager went to the first applicant and said, ''Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to the other applicant.''

"Why? We both got nine questions correct," asked the rejected applicant.

"We have based our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed," said the department manager.

"How is one incorrect answer better than the other?" the rejected applicant inquired.

"Simple," said the department manager, "Your fellow applicant put down on question #5, 'I don't know.' You put down, 'Neither do I.'"

Inner Banks Laughter - Risque Humor

Two men drove to a gas station for a fill-up because they heard about a contest being offered by the station to patrons who purchase a full tank of gas. When they went inside to pay, the men asked the attendant about the contest.

"If you win, you're entitled to free sex," said the attendant.

"How do we enter?" asked the first man.

"Well, I'm thinking of a number between 1-10, if you guess right, you win."

"O.K. I guess 7, " said the first man.

"Sorry, I was thinking of 8," replied the attendant. "Come back soon and try again"

The next week, the two men returned to the same station to get gas. When they went inside to pay, the second man asked the attendant if the contest was still going on.

"Sure," replied the attendant. "I'm thinking of a number between 1-10, if you guess right. You win."

"2" said the second man

"Sorry, I was thinking of 3," replied the attendant. "Come back soon and try again."

As they walked back to the car, the first man said to the second man,"You know, I'm beginning to think this contest is rigged."

"No way," said the second man. "My wife won twice last week."

They must have been blonde guys!

Ridgecroft Honors Slain Virginia Tech Students, Staff

by Cal Bryant - April 20th, 2007 - Roanoke-Chowan News-Herald

AHOSKIE - Today, we all are Virginia Tech.

In front of a sea of young faces, many adorned in maroon and orange sweatshirts, middle and upper Ridgecroft School students gathered Friday morning to pay tribute to those who died during Monday’s shooting rampage at Virginia Tech.

[snip]

Ridgecroft Headmaster Elton . . Winslow drove home his point as he concluded the ceremony by saying, “The bullying has to stop. It’s hurtful. If anything good comes out of this, maybe the bullying will stop.”

Elton Winslow is giving good advice. Of all the people who are looking for someone to blame, this is the best and most rational advice I have heard. The man who killed so many at Virginia Tech was reported to have been odd and mentally unstable, but no one who has seen the vicious way some people are treated in schools today has any doubt that if he had run into a few more Christians in his life, true Christians, these people may not have died. No one is helped by the bullying that goes on in many of our institutions of learning today. Christian kindness would have helped.

That bullying is certainly a contributing factor in all of the many cases of increased violence that occur in our modern society. It is a failure that can be fixed by other techniques if our courts would allow it. However it is questionable that our courts will help. Several schools have recently been sued and lost when they took any actions to get the victims of bullying help.

The courts insist that the schools must honor the privacy rights of the victims and thus continue to isolate them from any form of human concern. This is one more example of the evil practices of our current court system. Since the courts created the situation by refusing to allow discipline that would end the bullying, you would think they would allow the victims to get help.

They create a problem by sabotaging discipline in the classrooms and hallways of our schools and then aggravate the problem by stopping any effective attempts to help after the fact. Since it is the courts who are leading the efforts to stomp out Christianity in our schools too you have to wonder about the motives of our judges?

Carpenter’s Tools - Phil Stacey . . . .

By Pastor Wallace Phillips – April 20th, 2007


American Idol! I don’t know how many of my readers watch American Idol. Perhaps someone in the family does. Nevertheless, I wanted to take this opportunity to ask you to pray for one of the “Top 6” now – Phil Stacey. Phil is a friend of mine and a fellow minister. He serves as Worship Pastor at First Coast Christian Center in Jacksonville, Florida where Perry Fruscella serves as Senior Pastor.

Phil has made it to the top 6 in what has become one of Fox’s most popular annual shows. American Idol pulls voters in weekly upwards of 30 million. Somebody’s watchin’. I don’t know if you do or not. But…I’m asking you to pray for Phil Stacey. He’s a minister…a worship pastor….a friend….and most importantly…a CHRISTIAN.

He is in a position to touch the lives of those in Hollywood in a powerful way. I have spoken with his pastor and he reports that there is a phenomenal opportunity for Phil to touch people one on one behind the scenes. In addition, with his influence, he is able to speak to many each week about his personal story.

Some may be saying, “Well, he hasn’t sung Amazing Grace on the show!” No he hasn’t, but he can’t. Contestants are given the genre of music and the choices are narrow for their selection. Simply pray that God will use him in a powerful way to be salt and light to those whom God has place in his path.

Jesus said, “You are the light of the world. A city that is set upon a hill cannot be hidden.” Pray for Phil’s light to shine in the darkness of this present world. And…watch American Idol on Tuesday’s at 8:00 PM. (He’s the bald guy!)

Please visit us on the web at http://www.cscministries.com/ or http://www.wallacephillips.org/

Inner Banks Laughter - Religious Humor

A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"

One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

On Don Imus And Racial Reconciliation!

by Angel Casiano - April 13th, 2007 - Open letter

Hello Friends:

I am a black puerto-rican. Born in New York, but did my growing up in Puerto Rico; from Elementary School to College. I finally moved to this country for good on July 8, 1991. I struggle and continue to struggle with the English language, so I apologize for any misspelled words or any grammatical mistakes, but I am getting better every year.

I am not writing to you this day to give you my biography; I want to tell you about some impressions I had today from the Lord as I was taking a little walk this morning. You be the judge if this is a Word from the Lord or not.

I want to talk about the need for Racial Reconciliation and possible ways to at least start the process of getting there. I have to confess that I didn't have a clue of who Don Imus was, but I have a better idea now! After all the controversy surrounding this radio personality, this is what I heard:

"White America must not only recognize that racism existed as a shameful history fact of our past, but it is alive and well today."

"Racism" is a spirit. It was the second biggest issue in the primitive church's history (Read the Book of Acts and find out why the Apostle Paul confronted the great Apostle Peter face to face!) Racism is a spirit that is all around the world; it is a spirit that basically is saying: "My race is better than yours and because of that I am going to treat you like you are nothing and I am going to do whatever I can to make sure that you always be nothing."

The Webster New World Dictionary defines the word: "Racism" as follow: "The practice of racial discrimination, segregation, etc." The difference between the past and the present in the practice of racism is that today it is politically incorrect to be a racist and in the past it was acceptable. White America must understand, repent and take responsibility for the sins of their fathers (Just as Nehemiah did!). Racism gave us what is happening in some sectors of our society today. The consequences of racism are devastating. White America must understand, recognize and publicly acknowledge that all men are created equal; you are not better than anybody! Your key word, White America, is that you must humble yourself and ask for forgiveness in order to start the healing process.

Black America: You can't fix the problem by being racist against white people yourself; that is called "Reverse racism". Evil cannot defeat evil. Racism is evil! Satan's kingdom is well united and organized. Reverse Racism does not fix the problem. It allows the spirit of racism to reign. Black America, it is our Godly duty to forgive and to keep the hope that, God will turn and is already turning all this around for good. (Read the story of Joseph, son of Jacob).

Black America must understand that the words that they are speaking to each other are carrying more power than the words that the white man is speaking to you. You can't be getting upset when a white man says something stupid like Mr. Imus did, but you, on the other hand, are calling each other with the "N" word every five seconds. You can't be getting upset when a white man says something stupid, but your pop culture is allowing, promoting and buying the disrespect of your women.

That is called "Hypocrisy". My father in law told me when I first came to this country: "You have a double curse: You are black and on top of that you are puerto-rican." Those words hurt me more than all the stupid things the white people had said about me, because those words came from a loved one.

Your key word, Black America, is that you must forgive in order to allow reconciliation (The return to God's favor) to take place.

In all, God is watching and Dr. Martin Luther King's dream is still alive today! As my good brother and friend, Elder Ted Lemmon has been teaching our church: "We can't expect justice from God, without at least trying to be righteous (Do the right thing and what is acceptable before the Lord!)". We can't expect for God to do any justice if we are seeking justice on our own strength. Our righteousness is nothing but filthy rags before God, that I know. However, are we in the beautiful journey of asking ourselves what would Jesus do? Or are we doing what we feel is right in our own opinions. Jesus forgave from the cross and even in his total sinless and innocent life he found the love to say: "Father forgive them because they know not what they are doing."

The so called Reverends that are positioning themselves as saviors and leaders in the black community are not carrying the message of Christ. They are false Prophets and they must be stopped from the deeper damage that they are doing. We can do all things through Christ and no spirit of racism can stop us. Jesus is the answer for these issues that are polarizing our society. Let the politicians fight their "Rights" and "Lefts" arguments. Let the radio and TV personalities attack each other's views. They are accomplishing nothing because they are not pointing at Jesus. Their god is themselves and their worthless ideologies.

We, the people of God are citizens from Heaven, a generation of Kings and Queens and no weapon formed against us will prosper. Let us exalt Jesus together and let us hold, with the help of the Holy Spirit, His teachings in our hearts; only then can we begin to see each other the way we are seen by God and not by the flesh or by the standards of this age.

I love you all!
Pastor Angel Casiano

Angel Casiano is the pastor of Iglesia El Taller Del Carpintero, the Spanish Carpenter's Shop Church in Winton and he is a truly good man.

I do not agree with Angel that it is okay to hold white people responsible for the sins of their fathers. In truth that argument really is saying that whites alive today are responsible for the actions of their great-great-grandparents. That is inconsistent with our national heritage and the whole idea of treating each individual equally. To hold someone responsible for things others did is just not fair.

However I truly hope that Angel's message of the need to end the racism by both white and black in the Inner Banks will reach many more hearts. We must end the constant bashing of other Christians. It is not God's will.

Carpenter’s Tools - Hurry Up and Wait! . . . . .

By Pastor Wallace Phillips – April 13th, 2007


Oh the fast paced world we live in! Everything’s in high gear. We expect everything to be done so quickly. We want 10-minute oil changes, microwave popcorn, pictures printed out immediately, and the list goes on. I think we have the same mentality with the things of God. We want what we want to happen “right now” Lord! And it doesn’t always happen that way. We have lost the art of waiting on the Lord for HIS will to be done in HIS time. We must learn the virtue of waiting.

Isaiah reminds us that “they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength…they shall mount up with wings as eagles…they shall run and not grow weary…they shall walk and not faint.” We need to remember to wait upon the Lord. In our waiting we HEAR His voice. In our waiting we FIND His strength. In our waiting we TAKE FLIGHT with His wings. In our waiting we RUN in His strength. In our waiting we WALK without fatigue. We need to let “patience have her perfect work in our lives” and learn to hurry up and wait.

Have an awesome week in His timing.

Please visit us on the web at http://www.cscministries.com/ or http://www.wallacephillips.org/

Inner Banks Laughter - Blonde Humor

There was a blonde and she was on an airplane on her way to New York. A flight attendant comes up to her and says. "Ma'am you must move back. Your ticket is for Coach and you are in First Class."

The blonde simply replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York."

The flight attendant stares at the blonde, then turns around and walks away. She asks another flight attendant to tell the blonde that she must move out of First Class and the blonde says the same thing to the second flight attendant, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful and I'm going to New York."

The flight attendants tell the Pilot what is going on and he says "Oh, I know what to do. My wife is blonde." He then walks up to the blonde and whispers something in her ear. She says, "Oh dear!" then gets up and moves to the Coach section.

The flight attendants then ask the pilot, "How did you do that?"

The pilot says. "All you have to do is tell her that First Class is going to Chicago."

Inner Banks Laughter - Marriage Humor

A father came home from a long business trip to find his young son riding a brand new bike.

"Where did you get the money for that?" he asked. "It must have cost over 300 dollars!"

"I earned it hiking," replied the boy.

"Hiking??? Come on son, tell your Dad the truth. Nobody can make that sort of money hiking. Where did you Really get the cash from?"

"It's like I say, Dad. Every night when you were gone, Mr Burns from the bank would come over to see Mom. He'd give me a 20 dollar bill and tell me to take a hike"!

Inner Banks Laughter - Political Humor

Click on the thumbnail for larger view.


If you enjoyed this cartoon, you should check out the Michael Ramirez Gallery of cartoons here.

A Day For Fools And Christians

by John Andrews - April 1st, 2007 - Townhall.com

As a staunch conservative, I've never had much use for Hillary and Bill. But after their recent civil rights pilgrimage to Selma, Alabama, a change of heart overtook me. I have signed on as national chairman of Republicans for Clinton 2008, and you read it here first.

Please check the date before you take this statement seriously!

I don't think that I have ever posted an article by John Andrews before, but I am going to have to check him out more often. This is a really good article and there is nothing more important for those of us here in the Inner Banks than the following.

We profess to worship a good man, executed unjustly, who used his dying breaths to redeem a fellow convict, give his grieving mother a new son, and even forgive his murderers. Why do we often dishonor his example by bashing each other with Bibles?

A pastor I admire greatly recently gave a sermon in our area bashing Mormons. It has caused me much grief.

Many years ago I attended the Mormon Church for a while and I found one thing to be true. There are a larger precentage of good decent Christian people in every Mormon Church than in any other church I have ever attended. I don't agree that the Book of Mormon is or should be a part of the bible. I did not find it credible and it was a major reason I left that church. But you cannot deny that something about the Mormon Church works to attract people who try very hard to live the message that Jesus gave us. You can say that does not make for salvation, but is it really of value to denounce that church?

I do not find it credible that the sermon against Mormons by our local pastor served any useful purpose. Why bash a church that appears to work for so many decent people? Do we not have things in our own churches that we need to work on?

The pastor was not giving this sermon to try and lead some wayward Mormons back to the right path to salvation. He was not concerned with any Mormon at all. He was giving it to tell his congregation that their sneering at Mormons was okay. He stated emphatically Mormons are not Christians. What if he is wrong?

At this time of year I am once again drawn to the awesome story of Jesus and the sacrifice he made for our sins. The love of our fellow man that he has engendered is a love that came from the heart and soul of goodness. It is preferable that we focus on that.

And yet since I returned to North Carolina two years ago I am confronted daily with the reality that our churches are bastions of Christian bashing. They are the process by which we burnish our own self righteousness and feelings of superiority by putting others down.

Mel Gibson created a powerful message with his movie "The Passion of the Christ". It helped all Christians to relive the truth that Easter is not a pretty message even if it is a good message. The passion that drove the church's early growth was driven by the reality of that experience. Those people understood what a horror it was to be scourged and to die on the cross. The government powers of that time used these two horrible experiences to keep people in line through fear. It is a reminder that government is almost always evil even as it reminds us that the sacrifice of Jesus was one of both powerful love and physical courage. If you do not understand the bloody truth of how horrible was his death, you cannot understand the power of his love that he showed through the sacrifice. That is a message of purity and truth.

Compare that message of great truth with the message of our local pastor, "Mormons are not Christians. Their message conflicts with our beliefs." The implication is that it is okay to bash them. He is usually a good pastor with good messages and I think he is a good man. How can he believe this was a message that helped anyone?

It is messages like these that flow from the pulpits of our area on a weekly basis. It is the reason that our churches are segregated by race and denomination. I don't think we are focusing on the message of Jesus. We are tearing down our church values even as we build up our self righteous pride and superiority. We excuse evil acts in defense of our particular church's dogma. Does anyone think that bashing other Christians is okay?

I think my own concern about this pastor's message has grown to a crisis of faith because of this truth . . . . it is impossible to find the message of Jesus in the church practices of our area. Look at your church today . . . . and next week too. The attendance will be up. We know that is true of this time of year. Look at the people who attend and assess them honestly. Then send me your feedback on this subject, do you think that people are attending your church to seek God, truth and to find out how to be the people Jesus would want them to be . . . or to defend their own self image and defend their unwillingness to change in any meaningful way?

If your church is a place where the message of Jesus is spoken to any who come, no matter whether they are sinners, or members of a different race, or have learned about Jesus in some other denomination, please let me know. I am a sinner and I need a good example of his love working. If we are only looking for salvation in the next life and don't care about this one at all, what does that say about the value of his sacrifice? Are we just looking for some legal technicality to earn eternal life?

Don't say "April Fools!"