Carpenter’s Tools - One Potato, Two Potato . . . .

By Pastor Wallace Phillips – June 29th, 2007

“One potato, two potato, three potato four….” Remember that one? I do. I think of it each time our ministry gives those taters’ away. We had the honor of doing so on several times in our ministry. It’s a blessing to seed individuals come into our parking lot to pick up a fifty pound sack of spuds. Everyone can use potatoes. Considering the price of gas today, I think everyone qualifies as having a need for some help with the food bill.

I thank the Lord for the opportunity that we have to be a blessing to the masses several times a year. It’s amazing to see over 40,000 pounds of potatoes given away in a couple of hours. They go like “hot cakes”. I wonder if we could give away some of them?

The Lord tells us that it is better to give than to receive. I ‘m thoroughly convinced that the blessing of the Lord is upon our ministry because we have an open hand in many ways. Just this past week we were able to bless a church with some chairs. We weren’t using them. So…we blessed a new church with some seating. One seat, two seats, three seats, four…. The blessing goes on.

What do you have that you can give to the Kingdom of God? Maybe you can evaluate your personal inventory. Liquidate some of the things that you don’t need and get them in the hands of someone who can use them. You have been given much and “to whom much is given, much is required.”

Have an awesome week and remember the blessing of the Lord. Count them one by one. One blessing, two blessings, three blessings, four . . . .

They are never-ending.


Please visit us on the web at http://www.cscministries.com/ or http://www.wallacephillips.org/

Inner Banks Laughter - Blonde Humor

Another blonde GUY joke. Looks like they are becoming more popular.

After a really good party a man walks into a bar and orders a drink. Already drunk, the man turns to the person sitting next to him and says, "You wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The person replies, "I am 240 pounds, world kickboxing champion and a natural blonde. My friend is 190 pounds, world judo champion and is a natural blonde. And my other friend is 200 pounds, world arm wrestling champion and is also a natural blonde. Do you still want to tell me that blonde joke?"

The man thinks for a while and replies, "No, I guess not. Not if I have to explain it three times."

Carpenter’s Tools - Nothing’s Too Hard For God! . .

By Pastor Wallace Phillips – June 22nd, 2007


Impossible?

The Scriptures remind us that with men some things are impossible, but with God all things are possible! Faith is the key that unlocks doors. I am blessed…absolutely blessed to know Eric Earhart. He is just one story among many of those who were deemed impossible. Many thought that this robust character who grew up in a home without any influence of Christ would never be set free from the chains that bound him to a life of hatred and violence. But God!!!

That’s right! God who is rich in mercy knew Eric before he was a thought. And the pages of his life unfold to a beautiful story of forgiveness. You can see it for yourself. Go to the website…..www.nothingstoohardforGod.org and you can see his story among others whose lives proclaim “nothing…nothing….nothing is too hard for our God!”

In August Carpenter’s Shop Church will feature this campaign in a series of meetings. Eric Earhart will kick off the event on Sunday morning, August 26th at 10:00 AM. Mark your calendar….invite your friends….bring the lost. Why? Because nothing is too hard for our God!

Jesus reigns!

Please visit us on the web at http://www.cscministries.com/ or http://www.wallacephillips.org/

Inner Banks Laughter - Political Humor

“Freedom is about authority. Freedom is about the willingness of every single human being to cede to lawful authority a great deal of discretion about what you do."
--Rudy Giuliani

What? Rudy, that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. Freedom is about ceding to some government bueracrat power to tell me what to do? Please tell me you didn't really say this. Or conversely please tell me you were drunk. Something.

ROTFL

Inner Banks Laughter - Religious Humor

Inner Banks Laughter - Life Humor

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain ... Good.

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoa beans ... another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' *is* a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets -- and remember:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather ........ to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - strawberries in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming - WOO HOO! What a Ride!

The Strength of a Man

The strength of a man isn't in the deep tone of his voice. It's in the gentle words he whispers.

The strength of a man isn't how many buddies he has. It's how good of buddies he is with his children.

The strength of a man isn't in how respected he is at work. It's in how respected he is at home.

The strength of a man isn't in how hard he hits. It's in how tender he touches.

The strength in a man isn't in the hair on his chest. It's in his Heart . . . that lies within his chest.

The strength of a man isn't in the weight he can lift. It's in the burdens he can carry.

Carpenter’s Tools - A Letter or Two! . . . . .

By Pastor Wallace Phillips – June 15th, 2007

It’s amazing how just a letter or two can make a major difference. Recently two ladies in our congregation were planning to meet for a little fellowship here in Ahoskie. One of them said to the other….”Meet me at Wendy’s at 5:30 PM on Wednesday before church.” The two ladies agreed and at 5:30 PM one of the ladies arrives at Wendy’s, while the other one arrives at Andy’s. Both sat and waited for an extended time.

Finally, one of the ladies comes to the church a little before 7:00 PM and is terribly worried about her friend. She had backtracked to the places that she thought she would find her, to no avail. Momentarily she arrives at the church also, realizing that “Wendy’s and Andy’s” are close, but a letter or two makes a major difference.

The same is true in the biblical sense. John opens his gospel by telling us that “In the beginning was the Word; the Word was with God, and the Word was God.” (KJV). Our friends who knock on doors and follow the New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures (Jehovah Witnesses) have included the article “a” in this foundational passage making it read like this --- “…the Word was with God, and the Word was a god.” That, my friend is deadly! It kills the very foundation of biblical truth. John goes on to tell us that “the Word became flesh” in the life of Jesus Christ. Christ is the Word! But one little letter inserted in the text destroys the very deity of Christ. He was not “a god”! He was God and IS God!

Be careful! A letter or two can make a major difference. And….it can rob you of your hamburger and your fellowship with a friend.

Oh…by the way….Andy’s has the better burger! Have a great week and serve the Lord Jesus with gladness.

Please visit us on the web at http://www.cscministries.com/ or http://www.wallacephillips.org/

Inner Banks Laughter - Age Humor

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, surely I can't look that old?" Well... You'll love this one.

I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 40-odd years ago. Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This grey-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate. Hmmm ........ Or could he? After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High School.

"Yes. Yes, I did. I’m a mustang," he gleamed with pride.

"When did you graduate?" I asked.

He answered, "In 1959, why do you ask?"

"You were in my class!" I exclaimed.

He looked at me closely.

Then, that ugly, old, wrinkled SOB asked, "What did you teach?"

Carpenter’s Tools - Eternal Tickets . . . . .

By Pastor Wallace Phillips – June 7th, 2007

A lady in Phoenix, Arizona, has racked up 70 speeding tickets in the last five months. According to a Scottsdale police spokesman, Mark Clark, the driver did not pay any of them but instead just threw the tickets away. She told arresting officers she was speeding because she seemed to be late for client meetings all the time. Clark summarized, “I guess she’s got some time management issues.” She has worse issues than that. When asked why she had not paid any of the 70 tickets, the woman replied she thought nothing could happen to her if she didn’t pay them. She faces $11,000 in fines alone, and maybe some prison time. AOL news polled 33,000 subscribers on the story, and 95% of them thought the woman should lose her license.

How can any rational person think he or she could get away with failure to pay speeding tickets? They are all noted on the police books. They are not just going to vanish. But that makes me think, how can any sane person believe he or she can neglect so great salvation without paying the ultimate price for it? The Bible clearly states that all people everywhere are commanded by God to repent, and asks “how shall we escape if we neglect so great salvation?” The Creator warns that His Spirit will not always strive with mankind. Yet, like that Arizona lady, most folks just ignore all the warnings - thinking somehow that no accounting before the Throne will ever be necessary.

I imagine it is wake-up time for that Arizona driver. And one day it will be eternal wake-up for lots of folks who threw their eternal tickets away.

Please visit us on the web at http://www.cscministries.com/ or http://www.wallacephillips.org/

Inner Banks Laughter - Government Humor

Government requires small businesses in America to fill out paperework at a cost of 130 million man hours a year. That blizzard of papework adds $30 to $40 billion a year to the costs of products you buy. It is not free, and almost no one gets any benefit from it, except for the tens of thousands of government officials who have high paid jobs to check the paperwork. That is another $30 to $40 billion a year out of the pockets of American taxpayers.

Are you laughing yet?

Inner Banks Laughter - Relationship Humor

One day, Adam sat outside the Garden of Eden shortly after eating the apple, and wondered about men and women. So looking up to the heavens he says, "Excuse me God, can I ask you a few questions?" God replied, "Go on Adam, but be quick. I have a world to create." So Adam says," When you created Eve, why did You make her body so curvy and tender unlike mine?"

"I did that, Adam, so that you could love her." "Oh, well then, why did You give her long, shiny, beautiful hair, and not me?"

"I did that Adam so that you could love her." "Oh, well then, why did You make her so stupid? Certainly not so that I could love her?" "Well Adam, No. I did that so that she could love you."