Inner Banks Laughter - Education Humor

According to a radio report, a middle school in our area was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls into the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to clean one of the mirrors.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it into the toilet and then cleaned the mirror. Since then there have been no lip prints on the mirror. There are teachers and then there are TEACHERS!

Carpenter’s Tools - Can A Follower Of Jesus Be Prejudiced? . . . . .

I received this article today from Dan Betzer and wanted to share it with The Carpenter’s Tool’s readers. - Pastor Wallace Phillips

By Pastor Dan Betzer - March 30th, 2007

I pose today’s question: Prejudice is defined by Webster’s Dictionary as “preconceived judgment or opinion or an adverse opinion of someone without just grounds or before sufficient knowledge.” Can a truly born-again, Spirit-filled follower of Jesus Christ be prejudiced? Especially against those of other races? Apparently many people think so. Many churches are ear-marked by their startling lack of color in the pew. This despite the fact that whites will soon be in the minority in great parts of the United States, if, indeed they are not already.

Over twenty years ago, I came to this church as the Senior Pastor. I observed the wall-to-wall whiteness of our congregation and stated publicly that I had no intention of pastoring such a group, that we would reach out with love to everyone. Quite a few folks left. Others understood and persevered in our mission of reaching the whole world with the whole Gospel. Today, five of our pastoral staff come from Hispanic or African American backgrounds. Our church board, the Church Council, also reflects the racial makeup of our community – as well as the gender makeup.

It is a thrill to see worship leaders of varied backgrounds on our platform and the overwhelming enthusiasm of the whole body of Christ, very racially-mixed, which has come together to worship our Lord (who was a Jew, by the way). In all of our dealings as representatives of Christ, we must understand that we are human beings, created in God’s image, and now, as born-again believers, conformed into the image of Christ. As such, ill-will or prejudice toward anyone has no place, and is a poor witness of our professed faith.

Please visit us on the web at http://www.cscministries.com/ or http://www.wallacephillips.org/

Inner Banks Laughter - Marriage Humor

A sad man walks into a bar, and the bartender asks him what the problem is.

"My life is awful," the man says. "Every night, I play Trivial Pursuit with my wife, and every night she beats me."

"Well, why don't you just stop playing Trivial Pursuit?" the bartender asks.

"I love the game," the man says. "I'm a genius. I never lose."

The bartender is confused. "I thought you just said your wife beats you."

"Well," the man says, "she's a sore loser."

Carpenter’s Tools - Closer Walk! . . . . .

By Pastor Wallace Phillips – March 22nd, 2007


This Sunday at CSC we have the honor of joining with Closer Walk Ministries of the Tunis community just outside of Winton. Pastor Mike and Bonnie Blowe will be with us for a time of sharing vision and passion for the ministry that God has assigned to their hands. I love the opportunity to share in ministry with others. The Blowes have committed themselves to the task of teaching and preaching, lifestyle evangelizing, and sharing the love of Christ with those who live in that community.

It’s a Closer Walk; a journey of teaching a lifestyle in Christian discipleship. What about your walk with God? Are you walking close to God and fulfilling His purpose in your life? Are you near to Him; near enough to hear His voice in your spirit saying “this is the way, walk ye in it”? It’s a closer walk – a walk that looks not to the natural, but rather the spiritual in every area of life.

Join CSC in committing yourself to prayer for the will of God to be accomplished in the life and ministry of Closer Walk. Pray for Pastor Mike and Bonnie Blowe and the believers that are assembled there. And pray that you, too, will experience a closer walk with God today and every day.

Please visit us on the web at http://www.cscministries.com/ or http://www.wallacephillips.org/

Inner Banks Laughter - Marriage Humor

One Sunday morning, everyone in one bright, beautiful, tiny town here in the Inner Banks got up early and went to the local church.

Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon everyone was evacuated from the church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving... seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?"

"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.

Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."

If Not Now, When?

by Editor - March 16th, 2007 - Roanoke-Chowan News-Herald

Are you embarrassed? We are and if you’re not - maybe you should be.

The North Carolina Department of Public Instruction released a four-year cohort graduation rate in February and the news wasn’t cause for celebration.

In our state, only 68 percent of students graduate four years after entering high school. That means roughly two in five students in North Carolina that enter high school won’t graduate four years later.

If you live here in the three counties of Bertie, Hertford and Northampton, the news is even worse.

This is a courageous editorial. It takes on the whole attitude that parents in this area have long espoused. Education is the responsiblity of the schools and school personnel. This attitude is an easy cop out. However parents using this excuse have been encouraged in this by local Board of Education members and superintendents who know what the problem is but don't want "to rock the boat".

When I returned to Eastern Carolina 2 and 1/2 years ago I brought with me at least one good idea. Let's rock the boat. Our area is too complacent and too afraid to say out loud, we have racist attitudes from the 60s. The rest of the world has long since gotten past that kind of nonsense.

This is the first time I have seen it broached by either of our local papers. Let's say it loud. Forget race. We are failing our children and the only issue has got to be, how do we educate our children better?

I have a suggestion. Every adult needs to say to every child in our area, "You can succeed if you get an education. And you are completely capable of getting an education if you get off your tail and study. We will no longer accept that you are failing because someone is holding you down. The only thing holding you down is your not studying."

Think we can spread this word? Think we can get parents who whine "It is not my fault, it is the school" to stand up and demand that children study? Demand they study and tell them they can succeed and they will succeed. It is happening all over America. Only in Eastern North Carolina are we still accepting that studying is "acting white". Only in Eastern North Carolina are we still accepting that "it is not their fault".

Bill Cosby has said this is nonsense. He is right. How do we get a few more parents to get on board? How about having the guts to say this out loud and argue with anyone who disputes it. You are not racist for saying our children just need to try. It is racist to claim it is not their fault for refusing to try.

Inner Banks Laughter - Marriage Humor

The grief-stricken man threw himself across the grave and cried bitterly. "My life, how senseless it is! How worthless is everything about me because you are gone. If only you hadn't died, if only fate had not been so cruel as to take you from this world, how different everything would have been."

A clergyman happened by and to soothe the man he offered a prayer.

Afterward he said, "I assume the person lying beneath this mound of earth was someone of great importance to you."

"Importance? Indeed!" moaned the man. "It's my wife's first husband!"

PETA Lawyers Appeal Verdict

by Cal Bryant - March 16th, 2007 - Roanoke-Chowan News-Herald

WINTON - The verdict has been appealed.

Attorneys for the two PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) employees found guilty Feb. 2 on littering charges have formally filed legal paperwork asking for the convictions to be vacated or to modify the sentences.

At the conclusion of the two-week trial (Jan. 23-Feb. 2) in Hertford County Criminal Superior Court, Adria Hinkle and Andrew Cook were found guilty of one count each of littering, a misdemeanor. That charge stemmed from their June 15, 2005 arrest where the duo tossed seven bags of dead dogs into a private dumpster behind Piggly Wiggly in Ahoskie’s Newmarket Shopping Center.

If you want to know why this is so outrageous, check out the poll that the Roanoke-Chowan News-Herald conducted at the time of the original verdicts. 86% of the people disagreed with the verdicts. In talking with some of our citizens they didn't just disagree, they were outraged.

Link to article about PETA poll

Link to article about the verdicts

Link to Outrage on the green

Link to Peta hates people

This is what it is important to remember about PETA. PETA's President, Ingrid Newkirk, says the following, "Mankind is the biggest blight on the face of the earth." Newkirk explained why she had herself sterilized: "I am opposed to having children. Having a purebred human baby is like having a purebred dog; it's nothing but vanity, human vanity."

Why am I surprised that the lenient verdict would not sit well with people who hate mankind as much as this group does. They truly see nothing wrong with their actions.

Inner Banks Laughter - Political Humor

Thought for the day-

"The American Indians found out what happens when you don't control immigration."

Inner Banks Laughter - Blond Humor

Finally a Blond GUY joke . . . and worth the wait.

An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blond Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

The blonde opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, yelled his frustration and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, shouted his disgust and jumped, too.

The blond guy opened his lunch, saw bologna and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

(This is GOOD!)

Everyone turned and stared at the blond's wife. The blond's wife said, "Don't look at me. He made his own lunch."

Inner Banks Laughter - Legal Humor

A man walked into a curio store and was shopping around. After awhile, he chose a brass rat and brought it up to the counter. "That will be $10 for the brass rat and $1,000 for the story behind it," said the proprietor.

"Thanks, but I'll just pay the $10 and pass on the story." He purchased the brass rat and left the store. As he was walking down the street, he started noticing all sorts of rats following him. The further he walked, the more rats followed. He walked down to the wharf and still more rats came out and followed him. So, he decided to walk out into the water, all the rats drowned. He returned to the store shortly.

"Ah-ha!" said the proprietor. "You've come back for the story, right?"

"Nope," said the man. "You have any brass lawyers?"



This is an old joke and a classic, so you may have already heard it. However with today's ridiculous rulings covered on my blog http://theruleoflaw.blogspot.com/ I thought it timely. It is still funny no matter how many times you hear it.

The Lost Tomb of Jesus?

by Frank Pastore - March 4th, 2007 - Townhall.com

Things you’d have to believe to believe James Cameron

Poor James Cameron. He wanted some of that Da Vinci Code action so badly that he jumped on a 27 year old story line that everyone else in Hollywood had wisely passed on. He ignored so many early warning signs, too. When he was hav-ing trouble early on finding A, B, or even C list “scientific experts” who were willing to throw their careers away if they would only validate his silly theories – and they all continued saying no – he didn’t let that slow him down one bit. He pressed on and signed the minor league guys. And later, when the best he could come up with for his advance publicity hook was to claim statistically similar names and unrelated DNA samples – He still didn’t pull the plug – even though any-one who has ever seen just one episode of CSI is sharp enough to spit out the bait. More astute critics simply repeated what the original archeologist on the scene had pointed out: that a poor family from Bethlehem could never afford a mid-dle-class tomb in which to place the ossuaries in Jerusalem, especially during a famine, and that the names on the boxes were far too common to jump to any conclusions about having found The Jesus Family Tomb.

Why does Hollywood attack Christianity at every opportunity?

Inner Banks Laughter - Murphy's Law

There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.