Carpenter’s Tools - Hope For the Holidays . . . . .

By Joy Phillips - Novermber 10th, 2006


We’ve often heard the phrase. ”Home for the holidays!” It’s that time of year when family members will make their trek across the land and head home for some of Mom’s wonderful holiday dishes. But “Home for the holidays” is often replaced with “Hope for the holidays” due to the loss that families face without that special loved one.

Often following the death of someone dear, the holidays are mixed with fond memories which become painful because of the acknowledgement that the holidays will be experienced without that loved one. Bereaved individuals can prepare themselves by planning ahead for the holidays. Many feel that they would like to just “sleep” through the holidays and awaken after they are over. However, hiding from the holidays should not be an option. Proactive planning is the best option. You may find yourself dealing with the emotional pain during the planning, but the hurting is helpful to you. The pain that you face in the planning will lessen the pain when the actual holiday arrives.

While planning ahead is helpful, you must keep balance in your planning as well. You must realize your limitations and not overdo it. Too many events could be overwhelming for you. You must decide which parties or invitations to accept. There are a number of questions that you will have to answer:

How much cooking and baking will I do?
Should I decorate as much as I usually do?
What would be best for my family? Children?
How do I handle the traditions of the past?
Should I visit the cemetery on that holiday?

These and other questions should all be a part of your planning. Don’t let these decisions make you feel worse. Realize that each activity or plan that you make will be a factor in your facing the holidays with hope.

It is also important to care for yourself physically as you face the holidays. Remember the importance of proper exercise and rest to increase your sense of well being and reduce stress. Eat healthy and limit the use of medications and alcohol.

Hope for the holiday includes the proper remembrance of your loved one. You can find a meaningful way to memorialize your loved one at this time. Choosing an activity that your loved one would have enjoyed can make it more meaningful for you. An activity that involves the family will offer support to the grief that they are experiencing as well. You may also want to include some meaningful memory or activity that is reserved privately for you.

Here are a few suggestions to memorialize your loved one

Light a special memorial candle each day of the holiday.
Offer a dinner prayer or toast to your loved one.
Purchase a gift for your loved one and donate it to charity.
Give money in the amount you would have spent to charity in honor of your loved
one.
Purchase a small evergreen tree, decorate it, and replant it after Christmas.
Focus on helping others during the holidays.

You will find yourself having mixed emotions during the holidays, but you must remember that each emotion you face is a part of your healing even during the special days of the year. It is okay to discover yourself enjoying the holidays with laughter and okay to experience the tears as well. You may find yourself not looking forward to those “Home for the holiday” times, but if you plan ahead and face these times with courage, you will find “hope” for the holidays.

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