Roanoke-Chowan Patriot

Rumors Swirl Around Palin

2008-09-23T06:29:00.000-07:00

Click on title for the whole list of bizarre and outlandish rummors, but my favorite is:

In addition to the five children that the media are aware of—Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper, and Trig [it appears the Democrat rumor mill cannot even spell Tryg's name right!] — Palin also has nine secret children: Frag, Moss, Scoot, Skiffer, Minnow, Plow, Snatch, Twiglet, and Drum

Yep . . . Palin Derangement Syndrome has replaced Bush Derangement Syndrome!

Probe Into How Google Mix-up Caused $1 Billion Run On United

2008-09-13T03:08:00.000-07:00

by Mike Harvey - September 12th, 2008 - Times (London)

To many, the episode has been a reminder that computer programs, no matter how sophisticated, can be a poor substitute for human beings.

The comedy of errors began with just one reader who went to the South Florida Sun Sentinel’s website and viewed a 2002 article on United Airlines’ bankruptcy.

That single visit in the early hours of Sunday morning, a period of low traffic, apparently bumped it into a "Popular Stories" in the business section.

At 1:37AM, an electronic Google program swept through the paper’s website for new stories and spotted the link.

Google says its program scanned the piece and, seeing there was no 2002 dateline, indexed the article for inclusion on its news pages.

Three minutes and two seconds later, Google News readers started viewing the story on the Sun Sentinel’s Web site.

I know it is not good to laugh when people have lost millions of dollars, but I simply cannot understand how people get lured in to trusting computers without qualification. It IS funny. As a computer consultant I know how great computers can be. As a computer consultant I also repeat constantly the mantra, "Computers are stupid." They are. A lot of people learned that lesson here, and they will be paying for it for quite a while.

Computers are great. Computers are stupid. Both are true. It will cost you if you forget either of these truths in this world of the 21st century.

Inner Banks Laughter - Political Humor

2008-09-05T10:28:00.000-07:00

“What's the difference between Sarah Palin and Barack Obama?”

One is a well turned-out, good-looking, and let's be honest, pretty sexy piece of eye-candy. The other kills her own food.

Inner Banks Laughter - Barack Obama Humor

2008-08-31T04:57:00.000-07:00

Barack Obama cannot complete a sentence without a constant stream of "uhh", "ahh", "umm" . . .frequently almost every other word. He is lost without his teleprompter. Where is the American Press when you need them? Oh yeah, only Republicans are allowed to be called stupid.

Can you spell patato . . . patatoe . . . whatever . . .

Inner Banks Laughter - Senior Humor

2008-08-26T04:43:00.000-07:00

A senior citizen from our rural area is driving on the highway to get to the Raleigh, something he rarely does. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, ''Herman, be careful! I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on U.S. 64!''

Herman says, ''I know, but there isn't just one, there are hundreds!''

Inner Banks Laughter - Political Humor

2008-08-23T05:55:00.000-07:00

With selection of Joe Biden as Democrat VP candidate, and the clear fondness of the Magic-Marixist for all things German, we have a great new bumber sticker for the campaign.

Obama bin Biden - 2008

Of course this assusmes that Biden is not thrown under the bus by Obama before the weekend is over!

ROTFL

Inner Banks Laughter - Barack Obama Humor

2008-08-23T05:38:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I wonder what Obama uses for brains. The credentials for the Democratic Convention have been released. They feature Obama's picture over an upside down American flag, the traditional way of communicating distress.

The specific code with regard to the flag: THE FLAG CODE, Title 36, U.S.C., Chapter 10, As amended by P.L. 344, 94th Congress, Approved July 7, 1976

§ 176. Respect for flag: No disrespect should be shown to the flag of the United States of America; the flag should not be dipped to any person or thing . . .
(a) The flag should never be displayed with the union down, except as a signal of dire distress in instances of extreme danger to life or property.

What is the distress Obama is trying to signal?

Man Calls 911 After Subway Left Sauce Off Sandwich

2008-08-06T08:09:00.000-07:00

Staff - August 4th, 2008 - Associated Press (Brietbart.com)

Police said [Reginald Peterson] dialed 911 twice last week so he could have his sub made correctly. The second call was to complain that officers weren't arriving fast enough.

ROTFL

I used to know an individual in California that did not wear a watch, but called 911 when he needed the time. He even called 911 to ask for directions when on the hiway. What astonished me was that the 911 operators would tell him the answers to get him off the line. It is the reason I have long argued that there should be an automatic charge for calling 911 which could be waved by someone after the fact if the call IS an emergency.

I love the fact this idiot was arrested. Sounds to me like the Jacksonville, Florida police are on the ball.

He Ventured Forth To Bring Light To The World

2008-07-25T06:14:00.000-07:00

by Gerald Baker - July 25th, 2008 - Times (London)

And it came to pass, in the eighth year of the reign of the evil Bush the Younger (The Ignorant), when the whole land from the Arabian desert to the shores of the Great Lakes had been laid barren, that a Child appeared in the wilderness.

The Child was blessed in looks and intellect. Scion of a simple family, offspring of a miraculous union, grandson of a typical white person and an African peasant. And yea, as he grew, the Child walked in the path of righteousness, with only the occasional detour into the odd weed and a little blow.

This is great! Truly priceless satire. Gerald Baker has summed up the adulation of the Messiah Barack Obama by his slavishly Marxist reporter brethren. You have got to read the whole thing!

Inner Banks Laughter - Political Humor

2008-07-23T17:19:00.000-07:00

Great Orators of the Democratic Party

• "One man with courage makes a majority."--attributed to Andrew Jackson

• "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."--Franklin D. Roosevelt

• "The buck stops here."--Harry S. Truman

• "Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country."--John F. Kennedy

• "So the point that I was making at the time was that the political dynamic was the driving force between that sectarian violence. And we could try to keep a lid on it, but if these underlining dynamic continued to bubble up and explode the way they were, then we would be in a difficult situation. I am glad that in fact those political dynamic shifted at the same time that our troops did outstanding work."--Barack Obama

Inner Banks Laughter - Barack Obama Humor

2008-07-21T08:08:00.000-07:00

The Incredible Moment A Leopard Attacks A Crocodile

2008-07-20T07:46:00.000-07:00

This is an article that you have to see to believe. The series of pictures is amazing.

Inner Banks Laughter - Political Humor

2008-07-17T07:32:00.001-07:00

Nancy Pelosi really means this!

Inner Banks Laughter - Barack Obama Humor

2008-07-16T07:08:00.000-07:00

Inner Banks Laughter - Political Humor

2008-07-15T19:35:00.000-07:00

Is this parody of how Obama is being attacked by his opponents . . . or is it parody of what he claims he stands for?

Inner Banks Laughter - Barack Obama Humor

2008-07-09T12:12:00.000-07:00

REPORTER: "Senator Obama, based on the number of issues where you have changed your position within hours of taking them, it's becoming clear to the American people that you have no idea what you're doing from one moment to the next - how do you respond?"

SENATOR OBAMA: "I have known me for over 20 years, and I am distressed by my recent convoluted statements and contradictory positions. Therefore, I find it necessary to make clear that I no longer can support positions I have taken, nor positions I may take in the future. In short- that's not the me I knew . . . "

Many thanks for this great joke by Barbarian Heretic posted on Lucianne.com

Faster Than A Speeding Ballot - It's Super Obama

2008-07-04T08:42:00.000-07:00

by Tim Blair - July 5th, 2008 - The Daily Telegraph (Australia)

A problem looms for Senator Barack Obama. Here's an extract from his speech accepting the Democrat nomination to run for president: "Generations from now, we will be able to look back and tell our children that this was the moment when we began to provide care for the sick and good jobs to the jobless; the moment when the rise of the oceans began to slow and our planet began to heal . . . "

Now, when you claim that your mere nomination is enough to commence healing the planet and rolling back the seas, what is left to claim once you've actually won the election? Forget him being the first serious black candidate; Obama is clearly the first Magic-American to run for the White House.

The press here in America may be in the tank for Obama, but that does not mean the rest of the world is not mocking his arrogance. Saying things of incredible stupidity is going to get you ridiculed, even when, like the Magic-Marxist, you say them with total sincerity.

This article takes Obama apart with satire. So much for the rumor that the entire world wanted him to be President.

Jolting Tales Surface Of Satanic Rituals

2008-07-02T07:38:00.000-07:00

by Anne Blythe - July 1st, 2008 - News & Observer

Joy Johnson, 30, a third vice chairwoman of the Durham County Democratic Party and vice chairwoman of the Young Democrats, was charged Friday with two counts of aiding and abetting.

Her husband, Joseph Scott Craig, 25, was charged with second-degree rape, second-degree kidnapping and two counts of assault with a deadly weapon for an incident in January and another in May.

[snip]

Johnson and Craig, along with Diana Palmer, first vice chairwoman for the local Democrats, are partners in a company called Indigo Dawn. The company's Web site says Indigo Dawn offers products and services "to promote enlightenment and assist in the development and self-empowerment and divine potential."

Among the services offered, according to the Web site, are "intuitive guidance, past-life regression, spirit guide communication and healing and cleansing."

ROTFL

I checked with the Chairman of the Young Republicans for North Carolina and she assured me they have no plans to reach out to this demographic. It appears that Democrats will retain their monopoly on the Satanic community!

Inner Banks Laughter - Political Humor

2008-06-23T20:47:00.001-07:00

First the Obama campaign denied the seal on the left was modeled on the Presidential Seal. After they were universally ridiculed they dropped use of the "official" Obama Seal. Just one more "oops" in his gaffe riddled campagin.

Here is a typical article taking Obama apart for his arrogance. Best line in the ridicule, "The Audacity of Hype" by Jake Tapper of ABC.

Did he really think he could get away with this?

Inner Banks Laughter - Political Humor

2008-06-19T06:29:00.001-07:00

Humor by G.T. Stevens
(with thanks to Lucianne.com)

Inner Banks Laughter - Eilliot Spitzer Humor

2008-06-14T06:20:00.000-07:00

As the various officials from the escort service who are going to testify against Elliott Spitzer are concluding their plea bargains with the prosecutors, Ashley Dupre (Kristen) made news by . . . going to the beach with her mother (shown on right above). There cannot be anything more humiliating than to remind the world that Spitzer threw away a promising career for the pleasure of paying $4300 for one night with Kristen (shown on left above).

Some people say that you should only make jokes where the object of the joke can laugh too. This is not that kind of joke. I am sure continuing to cover this lady (so to speak) is politically incorrect.

Inner Banks Laughter - Political Humor

2008-06-04T10:34:00.000-07:00

The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made.

- Jean Giraudoux - French diplomat, dramatist, & novelist (1882 - 1944)

Barack Obama Draws 75,000 . . . Or Does He?

2008-06-03T05:19:00.000-07:00

Barack Obama in Portland Oregon

Why else would 75,000 people get together in Portland Oregon, except the people want to meet our new Messiah? To make sure enough people turned out to properly honor Barack the Democrats put on a free rock concert by the popular Decemberists band prior to arrival of the Obama.

For those who don't get the irony, the original Decembrists were members of a secret society that started a Russian revolt in 1825. The rock band of that name starts its concerts with the national anthem of the Soviet Union.

Think Obama knows that?

Inner Banks Laughter - Political Humor

2008-06-02T04:40:00.000-07:00

"I've now been in [pause to make sure he gets it right] . . . 57 states. 1 left to go. " Barack Obama.

That makes 58 . . . doesn't it? I am not really good at math . . . or American history . . . or anything but reading a teleprompter . . . it appears.

Click on the title above to see Barack Obama actually say this live. Honest.

ROTFL

Inner Banks Laughter - Political Humor

2008-06-01T05:35:00.000-07:00

“In case you missed it, this week, there was a tragedy in Kansas. Ten thousand people died — an entire town destroyed,” Barack Obama told a crowd of 500 in Richmond during May of 2007.

(It was actually 12 people, by the way.)

Click on the title above to view the video of his telling this punchline. It is funny . . . because it appears Obama is serious!

Inner Banks Laughter - Political Humor

2008-05-21T05:08:00.000-07:00

Inner Banks Laughter - Political Humor

2008-05-13T04:28:00.000-07:00

Inner Banks Laughter - Political Humor

2008-04-14T03:48:00.000-07:00

Inner Banks Laughter - Pulitzer Prize Winner

2008-04-08T03:43:00.001-07:00

Mike Ramirez wins the Publitzer Prize mocking financial reporters. At this point in time we have the most Americans working ever, at record salary levels also, but somehow the press feels we are in a crisis. We are somehow going to go from record financial success for most Americans to a DEPRESSION, overnight. Only anecdotal evidence is being reported by financial reporters right now, anecdotal evidence of something wrong that is. How good do things have to be before they will find something, anything, positive to report?

Thanks to Lucianne.com for the heads up on the Pulitzer Award.

Inner Banks Laughter - Eilliot Spitzer Humor

2008-03-12T05:54:00.000-07:00

by Elmer Smith - March 11th, 2008 - Philadelphia Daily News (Enquirer?)

Silda and Elliot Spitzer

Emperors Club Home Page

Ashley Dupre' (Kristen)

Un-named 22 year old prostitute
(who also claims to have had sex with Spitzer)

Title of article: "Please explain $5,500 an hour to me"

Spitzer's public downfall has prompted political opponents to pile on gleefully. But he may gain some small consolation from the distinguished gents who have rushed to his defense.

"Big deal - man goes to prostitute," Harvard law professor and Spitzer friend Alan Dershowitz said yesterday. "In Europe, this wouldn't even make the back pages of the newspapers."

Not exactly a stirring tribute. But, Dershowitz, whose rate per billable hour puts him in three-diamond status, didn't charge Spitzer a dime.

As noted in other articles the same prostitute, Kristen, could be hired for $1,000 an hour. Reminds me of the joke whose punchline is, "We know what you are, now we are just haggling about the price." Maybe Spitzer should have haggled a little more. Getting the price down from $5500 to $4300 does not sound like he is much of a negotiator!

I doubt that is the reason for the look on Ms. Spitzer's face in the photo at top as she accompanies her husband in his public humiliation. Why do such men always insist their wives share in their humiliation? Why are the wives of such men always so willing to do so? Classic.

Inner Banks Laughter - Political Humor

2008-02-19T12:39:00.000-08:00

"Today is Presidents Day," Bill Clinton said at a campaign stop here for his wife before Ohio's Democratic primary. "It's a day when we look back on two centuries of American leadership and remember all the presidents who were almost as great as me."

If you think he meant this as a joke, you are a Democrat.

If you think he was serious, you are a Republican.

And if you think he was telling a joke but forgot the punchline, you are an Independent.

Inner Banks Laughter - Political Humor

2008-02-19T11:30:00.000-08:00

New trouble at theater: [The NEW] Manager's gone

by Jonathan Cox - February 19th, 2008 - News & Observer

The Roanoke Rapids Theatre [known in infamy as the Randy Parton Theatre] is without a manager sooner than city leaders expected.

UGL Unicco said Monday that it was walking away from the troubled venue, about 90 miles northeast of Raleigh, because it had to pay vendors and other expenses out of pocket. Roanoke Rapids owes Unicco about $100,000, according to a company statement.

Roanoke Rapids' City Council, after a lengthy discussion behind closed doors, last week voted to end an agreement with Unicco. Officials expected a 30-day transition, but Unicco said it was in an "untenable position."

"UGL Unicco is forced to leave this project immediately," the statement said.

Is anyone surprised that this fiasco just keep getting worse. You would think this city could not possibly do anything to look dumber than it already had. But . . . I really don't know what is happening here, no one can really tell from the little that is explained in the article. However based on the track record to date who can be blamed for thinking this town is run by a posse of buffoons? Do you think that anyone else can be found to run this theatre now that they have bungled two contracts in a row? I know I wouldn't touch it without some serious guarantees.

ROTFL

Inner Banks Laughter - Drug Humor

2008-02-18T11:27:00.000-08:00

Just when you think there's no justice . . . A news article from a Florida Newspaper:

'When Nathan Radlich's house was burgled, thieves left his TV, his VCR, and even left his watch. What they did take was a 'generic white cardboard box filled with grayish-white powder.' (That, at least, is the way the police described it.)

A spokesman for the Fort Lauderdale police said, 'that it looked similar to cocaine and they'd probably thought they'd hit the big time.'

Then, Nathan stood in front of the TV cameras and pleaded with the burglars: 'Please return the cremated remains of my sister, Gertrude. She died three years ago.'

Well, the next morning, the bullet-riddled corpse of a drug dealer known as Hoochie Pevens was found on Nathan's doorstep.

The cardboard box was there too; about half of Gertrude's ashes remained. And there was this note. It said: 'Hoochie sold us the bogus blow, so we wasted Hoochie. Sorry we snorted your sister. No hard feelings. Have a nice day.'

Inner Banks Laughter - Political Humor

2008-02-14T03:51:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Lucianne.com for this "photo" of the Clintons true attitude towards Obama! Lucianne is a great site. You should check it out.

Inner Banks Laughter - Environmental Humor

2008-02-09T05:40:00.002-08:00

This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries regarding 2 ponds on his property. It was sent by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania . This guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the response letter.

SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T1 1N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County

Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity: Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond

A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted.

The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2006.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action.. We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

Sincerely,

David L. Price
District Representative and Water Management Division.

Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries:

Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County

Dear Mr. Price,

Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond to. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane, Trout Run, Pennsylvania. A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam projects, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials "debris."

I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam projects any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.

These are the beavers/contractors you are seeking. As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.

My first dam question to you is:
(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or
(2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?

If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued.

(Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.)

I have several concerns. My first concern is, aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling them dam names.

If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English.

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).

So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2006? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality, health, problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! The bears are not careful where they dump!

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.

Thank you,

Ryan Devries & The Dam Beavers

Inner Banks Laughter - Police Humor

2008-02-03T05:53:00.000-08:00

A cop pulls over a guy.

"Your eyes are awfully red. Have you been drinking?"

"Gee, officer," the man says. "Your eyes are awfully glazed -- have you been eating doughnuts?"

Inner Banks Laughter - Blonde Humor

2008-01-27T06:54:00.000-08:00

Why did the blonde nurse take a red magic marker to work?

In case she had to draw some blood.

Inner Banks Laughter - Medical Humor

2008-01-24T22:12:00.000-08:00

A woman went to the emergency room and was seen by a young and relatively new doctor. After about 3 minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant. She burst out of the room and ran down the corridor screaming.

An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was; after listening to her story, he calmed her down and sat her in another room.Then the doctor marched down the hallway to the first doctor's room. "What's wrong with you?" he demanded.

"This woman is 63 years old, she has two grown children and several grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?!!

The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said: "Does she still have the hiccups?"

Inner Banks Laughter - Political Humor

2008-01-21T04:07:00.000-08:00

Carpenter’s Tools - A Clean Slate . . .

2008-01-18T03:56:00.000-08:00

By Pastor Wallace Phillips

Wander back in your mind with me to the day of the classroom for you. Remember when the teacher would have the chalkboard filled with assignments and information that was to be carried out on that particular school day? Also…remember when she started putting names on the board of those who were misbehavin’? That was followed by a check or two and then came the discipline. But…do you remember when the school day came to a close and she called upon a couple of students to clean the board. They would take that huge eraser and move it back and forth across the slate. It would be made clean and the teacher would close the day prepared for another one tomorrow. You got the clean slate. You got a fresh start awaiting you. That’s what you’re looking at with the beginning of the year 2008. You will start the new year off with new aspirations, new goals, new dreams and will remember no more the marks of the past. You will face new assignments for your life. And remember…”He who hath begun a good work in you will perform it.” Go for it. You’ve got a clean slate.

Please visit us on the web at http://www.cscministries.com/ or http://www.wallacephillips.org/

Inner Banks Laughter - Blonde Humor

2007-12-31T07:32:00.000-08:00

This is the best new blonde joke I have heard in quite a while!

A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten.

We all looked at each other and another customer asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?"

She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one.." She said she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.

The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710.

He then took her over to another car which had its hood up and asked "is there a 710 on this car?" She pointed and said, "Of course, it's right there, duh!"

If you're not sure what a 710 is click here.

Gubernatorial Candidate Mixes Barbecue With Politics

2007-12-30T05:42:00.000-08:00

by Cal Bryant - December 14th, 2007 - Roanoke-Chowan News-Herald

Joe Humphries, Deidre Jersey and Joe Avery arrive in Ahoskie with Senator Fred Smith

AHOSKIE - If barbecue is king in North Carolina, then Fred Smith is its prince.

Smith, a Johnston County native, was in the area last week stumping for votes as he hopes to earn the Republican Party’s gubernatorial nomination for governor next spring and then vie in the November 2008 general election for the state’s highest elected office.

And in true North Carolina fashion, Smith is soliciting votes through a series of meetings he proclaims as his statewide barbecue tour. Smith plans to chow down on one of the state’s most traditional meals (pork barbecue, slaw, beans, potatoes, cornbread and sweet tea) in all 100 counties. To date, he has covered just over 60 counties with stops planned for tomorrow (Thursday) in Greene and Lenoir.

At last week’s gathering at the Ahoskie Inn, Smith was greeted by a room full of supporters from all four Roanoke-Chowan area counties. There, his message was as powerful as the plaque which sits behind his office desk….“The difference between good and great is a little extra effort.”

“I made that wooden plaque in my high school shop class and it has been with me everywhere,” Smith said. “That’s what I think will win me a bid, with your support, to run for governor…a little extra effort.”

I missed Cal's article when it came out which is why I am linking to it late. I posted my own article about the event when Fred Smith came to Ahoskie here, but did not see this one. It is a good article about a great candidate. For more pictures of the local BBQ event Cal mentioned, check out my article.

French President Nicolas Sarkozy Drives Democrats Crazy

2007-12-29T06:59:00.000-08:00

Nicolas Sarkozy is an avid American Supporter, and a supporter of George Bush policies in the war against the Islamo-fascists. However the differences between Nicolas Sarkozy and George Bush in the area of family values is pretty clear. Recently divorced, Sarkozy took his new girl friend, former super model and current rock singer Carla Bruni on a vacation to Egypt this week.

Bruni has dated several famous men, including rock stars, and is herself famous for the thousands of nude photographs that can be found if you search her name on the Internet. I have included one of the milder ones below. Some clothed pictures, including several of her pictures on the cover of Elle Magazine, can be found here.

Democrats cannot understand how someone who has the casual attitude towards sex of this famous French politician can possibly be a Bush supporter. According to them the world hates America. Finding out that it is just democrats that hate America is driving them crazy.

Illegal Immigration: The Canadian Problem

2007-12-28T04:45:00.000-08:00

From the Manitoba Herald , Canada (a very underground paper):

The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration.

The actions of President Bush are prompting the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and agree with Bill O'Reilly. Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal- rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night.

'I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,' said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield , whose acreage borders North Dakota . The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. 'He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?'

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields. 'Not real effective,' he said. 'The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk.'

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves. 'A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions,' an Ontario border patrolman said. 'I found one carload without a drop of drinking water. 'They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though.'

When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.

In recent days, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers on Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney hits to prove they were alive in the '50s. ' If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age,' an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies 'I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them,' an Ottawa resident said. 'How many art-history majors does one country need?

In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada , Vice President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source close to Cheney said. We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might put some endangered species on postage stamps. The president is determined to reach out.'

If you have not figured it out, this is a joke!

Inner Banks Laughter - Microsoft And A Halter Top

2007-12-27T05:57:00.000-08:00

What do Microsoft and a halter top have in common?

Both offer very little support!

Inner Banks Laughter - Breaking The News Is Worth A Beer

2007-12-26T06:01:00.000-08:00

Steve, Bob, and Jeff were working on a very high scaffolding. Suddenly, Steve falls 50 feet to the ground below and he is killed instantly.
After the coroner leaves with Steve''s body, Bob volunteers to inform Steve''s wife of the terrible news. Some two hours later, Bob returns to the work site with a six-pack of beer under his arms.

"Say, Bob, where did you get the six-pack?"

"Steve''s wife gave it to me!"

"What! You just told her that Steve died and she gave you a six-pack?"

"Well, before I broke the news to her, I asked her if she was Steve''s widow. And, she said she wasn''t, so I said I''d bet her a six-pack she was!"

. . . and you wonder why men and women can't communicate.

Inner Banks Laughter - The 3 Stages Of Man

2007-12-25T06:12:00.000-08:00

He believes in Santa Claus.

He doesn't believe in Santa Claus.

He is Santa Claus.

Carpenter’s Tools - Live From Miami! . . . .

2007-12-14T06:02:00.000-08:00

By Pastor Wallace Phillips - December 6th, 2007

I’ve often humorously asked the question – “What is the capital of Cuba?” Next, I would give the answer – “Miami”. It seems that you need to learn Spanish as a second language if you’re going to be in this tropical area of the Sun Coast.

I’m here now and I am amazed at the varied cultures that live and thrive here. People are so kind. It’s a far cry from CSI:Miami from my eyes. I know the crime and ill-will exists, but that’s everywhere. Florida has blessed my wife and I these past few days and has given us a tremendous opportunity to do a daily study of life and culture. That’s actually why we’re here to begin with.

I am slated for the worldwide television program on Trinity Broadcast Network. My subject will more than likely be the wonder of how God ripped prejudice from my heart. I’d like to say it’s all gone, but humanity is humanity. I think we all battle that evil from time to time. Nevertheless, I have devoted my life to loving people—all people. Culture encourages me because I see the awesome love of God displayed in his people. He’s a God of variety. “Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in His sight.”

Miami has afforded me the opportunity to see, once again, that God has a people everywhere in this earth that live for Him. From the gentle Haitian cabdriver who talked to someone over the phone about the grace and mercy of God, to the kind-hearted African-American bellman at the hotel who exemplified the fruit of the Spirit of gentleness, to the smiling Jewish-Italian Morris Cerullo that I had the pleasure to speak…all of which reminded me that God has a huge family of varied peoples from every nation, tribe, and tongue.

I am one of them. I’m Caucasion, I’m American, I’m middle-classed. But….I’m a Christian first. How about you? Live from Miami…I’m reminding you to never judge people on the basis of their skin.

Please visit us on the web at http://www.cscministries.com/ or http://www.wallacephillips.org/

Financial Records Show Parton Spent On Alcohol

2007-12-07T23:47:00.000-08:00

. . Las Vegas shows

by Staff - December 7th, 2007 - Durham Herald Sun

Mayor Drewery Beale said Friday that he believes the country music singer -- best known for being the brother of star Dolly Parton -- has violated a clause in his contract requiring him to "perform in a professional manner." He cited several instances, including one Thursday in which a visibly impaired Randy Parton "had to be escorted out and carried home."

Parton's scheduled appearances for the rest of the year have been canceled, and Beale said: "I doubt Mr. Parton will be performing at the theater anytime soon."

It looks like the Roanoke Rapids officials are starting to understand what a monumental mistake they made in putting together this theatre based on Randy Parton. They need to move quickly to find a new headliner for this facility or it is going to become such a symbol of failure that they will never build the kind of entertainment complex that will aid their area.

The reality is that Parton will never be able to get his sister involved, and that was what the area thought they were getting when they signed Randy. Randy Parton is a hair dresser and minor musician, not at all in the mold of his famous sibling. He has never had any hits and making him the headliner for this facility is an embarrassment. Get rid of him and try to cleanse the stench he has brought to their facility as quickly as possible.

Hertford County BBQ Is Senator Fred Smith's 59th

2007-12-06T04:44:00.000-08:00

Wednesday morning the Senator Fred Smith Bus for the 100 County BBQ Tour pulled in to the parking lot beside the Ahoskie Inn. This is the location for Fred's 59th BBQ in this statewide tour. With this being the 59th, Senator Smith is well past halfway in his campaign for Governor.

Joe Avery (shown above right rear), Republican Party Chairman for 2nd District was along for this event, along with Joe Humphries (on left) and Deidre Jersey (in middle). All are old friends and it was good to see them.

Bill Fields, Eastern North Carolina Campaign Manager and Joe Humphries, set up the front desk for registration in anticipation of a big crowd.

As people arrived, Senator Fred Smith spends time greeting them. Here he meets the Bridgers.

John Tayloe, Vice President of Development for our local Chowan University spent some time updating Senator Smith on recent improvements at the University.

Jeff Whelan and his family performed for the event and provided some great music.

There was a great crowd present, and when they got started, Dan Phillips (shown below), Hertford County Republican Party Chairman acted as Master of Ceremonies.

Ellen Whelan (shown below) gave the invocation.

Byran Buck led the crowd in the Pledge of Allegiance.

Deidre Jersey led the crowd in singing the National Anthem.

After everyone had eaten, they played the standard Fred Smith introductory video while Fred waited to be introduced. The Video always ends with the playing of the Lee Greenwood written campaign song. Click here to listen.

Fred gave his usual campaign speech, in which he talks about why he is going to all the effort to visit all 100 counties in North Carolina at least once each during this primary campaign. He tells about growing up in the Methodist Orphanage in Raleigh, and the struggles in business which ultimately were rewarded by success.

Senator Fred Smith spoke of his love for our State of North Carolina, and his belief that government is out of touch with what the majority of people want. He talked about the things that make us great and the things that help us enjoy the freedom of our great nation America. These talks are always a great dialogue, and in Hertford County there were a number of questions about illegal immigration and its impact on the future of our nation and state. This issue seems to be getting more and more focus.Though I have seen Fred make a powerful speech in a more formal environment, these talks are always low key, personal and sincere. It is part of what makes them such a great connection between Fred and the people who come out.

When he finishes his speech there are always a great number of people who want Fred to autograph his biography for them. Here Jean Pratt (shown above on left) gets her copy signed.

The meeting was closed by singing "God Bless America", led by Deidre Jersey. This is the traditional way that Fred closes his BBQs and it is always a great ending.

Afterwards everyone loaded up on the campaign bus (shown at the door of the Ahoskie Inn above) to head out for the Chowan County BBQ.

Fred really lives the theme of his autobiography, "The difference between good and great is a little extra effort." The Hertford County stop on the Fred Smith Statewide BBQ Tour was a resounding success thanks to all the great people who came out.

Carpenter’s Tools - Brace yourself! . . . . .

2007-11-22T05:26:00.000-08:00

By Pastor Wallace Phillips – November 22nd, 2007

Plan ahead. There are only a few weeks until Christmas. I’m not telling you to plan ahead and get all your shopping done. Plan ahead to not allow the busyness of the holiday season rob you of the real purpose of this awesome day that we celebrate. Cut back. Tell your family that you’re doing so. Face the holidays with a KISS – Keep It Simple Stupid!!! That’s what I was taught about preaching and public speaking. I suppose it will work with Christmas.

The simplicity of this holiday should be our goal. We should focus on the meaning of the Christ child --- “For He shall save His people from their sins.” How do you celebrate freedom from sin by putting yourself in the bondage of tremendous expectations on your time and your resources? Brace yourself for a holiday that is different from others that you have experienced. Enjoy the focus of gratitude and thanksgiving for all that He is to you and yours. Settle down, don’t overspend, do simple things, and say “no” when you need to. KISS!

Please visit us on the web at http://www.cscministries.com/ or http://www.wallacephillips.org/

13 Bypass - Let The Battle Begin

2007-11-21T03:14:00.000-08:00

by Cal Bryant - November 19th, 2007 - RoanokeChowan News-Herald

But there are several flaws in the bypass proposal. For starters it makes no sense to start and end a four-lane bypass at a two-lane road. Even if the projected four-laning of US 13 from Tarheel Barbecue in Gates County all the way to Windsor does become a reality years down the road, has anybody given any thought to the fact that all this progress “bypasses” Ahoskie, the retail giant of the Roanoke-Chowan area?

Cal is a friend, but on this he is dead wrong. The bypass does not automatically hurt business or hurt our area. It really depends on the intelligence with which the bypass is built. There are two ways to build it.

One is called an Expressway, which is really not "express" at all but simply a 4 lane divided road with traffic lights, driveways and rapidly growing congestion which quickly stagnates the new road after it is built. When expressway bypasses are built, all the town's businesses frequently feel they have to move to the new road. It causes a lot of building for no gain, just disruption. This is the old way of doing things and really does not connect us to the world as it should. Most of Cal's complaints are more relevant if that is how the bypass is built.

However if the bypass is built as a Freeway, with interchanges and off ramps (like the Interstate Highways), there is little impact on making existing businesses move from their current locations. There is less impact on the whole community. The off ramps allow traffic to easily exit the high speed freeway and get to the town's existing businesses as long as off ramps are intelligently located. At the same time Freeways keep truck traffic and through traffic that is not stopping . . . off our local streets. It is an illusion to think that making people drive through downtown Ahoskie, creeping along at 35MPH, gets us any significant business we would not keep if a Freeway was built. Look at the Hitching Post in Williamston. It is a half mile off the Freeway and yet has no problem drawing traffic. That is the same distance that Ahoskie downtown would be off the Freeway Bypass if an east route is selected. Freeways are much safer than expressways as well.

Rocky Mount and Williamston were opposed to making US 64 a Freeway, and far from harming them it ignited development. To act as if US 13 will not ultimately be a part of a new north-south freeway corridor continuing down US 17 is simply short sighted. That will allow us to easily get to cities and destinations far away, linking the Inner Banks together, as well as easily bringing others to us . The north-south corridor will happen if we don't kill it. The question is whether it is built near Ahoskie and Ahoskie grows or it is driven away and Ahoskie shrivels. How can a town that grew from railroads and then died when the railroads moved away not appreciate the failure to participate in the transportation network of the times?

Across America rural and small town areas that have fought freeways are shrinking and shriveling up. Towns which either welcomed freeways or had them forced upon them are growing dramatically. The only counties that are shrinking in North Carolina are the ones not served by a freeway. All other counties are growing. America is still growing every year and we must allow for growth here or there will be no jobs for our children or places for them to build homes. Freeways are a necessity for modern life.

The only chance we have for a decent future is if the bypass is built and built as a Freeway. Cal is right that we need to contact our representatives. Contact the members of the Hertford County Board of Commissioners; phone NCDOT (919-733-3141); call NC House Representative Annie Mobley (919-733-5780), State Senator Ed Jones (919-715-3032) and State Senator Marc Basnight (919-733-6854). Tell them we want a future for Ahoskie.

Tell them to build the bypass and build it as a Freeway.

Bypass Battle

2007-11-17T04:16:00.000-08:00

by Cal Bryant - November 16th, 2007 - Roanoke-Chowan News-Herald

“They (DOT) call this progress, but uprooting families and forcing them to leave their land is not progress in my opinion,” Garry Terry, one of the “No Bypass” organizers, said. “People will be forced from their homes to build a road that is not needed in the first place.”

A road that is not needed? That is the attitude of opponents of the U.S. 13 bypass for Ahoskie. Absolutely nothing of the advantages of a bypass being part of a North-South freeway ever gets through to the opponents. No matter how often it is pointed out that the anti-growth attitude of many in this area really is indicative of an underlying hatred for our state and our nation and arguably for others in our community, the message does not get through. The future is going to happen and it will include growth. We have to prepare for it, not stop it.

Where are the children of our local citizens going to work? "Not here" is the answer because growth here is not allowed. Therefore the children have to leave the area to find jobs and places to live.

The bigotry comes when the children come back to visit and the same opponents of growth talk wistfully of how they "wish there was a job for you around here so you could be close". They don't mean it. There are no jobs and homes for our children because the majority of the area stopped most growth in past years. And many still want to continue this same attitude in the future. Demanding that we "keep things the way they are" is simply a way of saying, "get my children out of here so I can live like I want without caring about what happens to them. Let someone else worry about their future. I don't."

Don't we at least have some obligation to build roads that make it easy to visit in the future? How about jobs in the future? How about places for new homes for our children's future?

Because that is what this "Bypass Battle" is about. The future. Not just the future for Ahoskie. The future for Eastern North Carolina. There are a great number of people who hate slowing down to a 35 MPH crawl through Ahoskie when they are passing by going South. Do they ever matter to local people who oppose the bypass? The NO 13 BYPASS people claim they are all going to Greenville. Not true. The explosive growth in our area is Washington and New Bern and the water areas of the Inner Banks. That is the future we need to prepare for. Greenville as a destination is all about the desires of local people, not the majority of the people who use US 13 or will use it in the future.

Another quote from this article is by Powellsville farmer Kent Williams whose farm is just below the temporary termination point of the proposed bypass. "The bypass will destroy my way of life as well as other farmers" Williams said. "And for what? A road that isn’t needed."

Destroy a way of life? All over America there are millions of farms right next to freeways and they do not "destroy a way of life". Such an exaggeration concerns me. The future is coming. The only question is whether we will be prepared for it or not? Kent complains about the amount of traffic on the road in front of his farm but is opposed to the only thing that will ever move that traffic somewhere else to a road that is better and safer for the people driving on it. Long term it will also make his road quieter and safer.

Do people in the anti-growth groups acknowledge any responsibility to society for preparing for the future? Anti-growth people have not stopped having babies. They just don't care about the future they are creating for their babies. Doesn't that mean the message they are really giving their children (and the rest of us) is "Screw you"?

Rural America is going to be the focus of growth for the next 20 years. A recent article here talks about the reasons onshoring is replacing offshoring and what that will do for America. The only question is whether anti-growth people in rural communities will ever allow the growth or continue to drive it offshore. How many more jobs do they want to send to Bangalore?

Make U.S. 13 Bypass A Freeway - Not An Expressway

2007-11-14T12:06:00.000-08:00

Yesterday from 4 to 7 PM at the Jernigan Building on the Roanoke Chowan Community College campus, the NC DOT held a meeting to solicit public opinion about the alternatives for the U.S. 13 Bypass of Ahoskie.

There was a good turnout for the event

This is a road project paid for with federal money that will benefit the entire Inner Banks region as a part of a planned North South high speed corridor from Virginia to South Carolina using U.S. 13 and U.S. 17. It will be a major economic boon for Ahoskie, Windsor, Williamston, Washington, Jacksonville and Wilmington, much as I95 has helped the region just to our west.

Two of the really helpful DOT executives present were Win Bridgers, Division Engineer and Barry Hobbs, Division Project Manager

There are two controversies going on with regard to this proposal. One has to do with which road the money is spent on. The other has to do with the type of road to be built.

Let's deal with the type of road first. You can read an article that explains the difference between Expressway and Freeway by clicking here.

A quick explanation of the type of roads is that an Expressway is a local divided highway with driveways, intersections, traffic lights and left turns. A Freeway is what they build when they build an Interstate, with bridges, no intersections, off ramps to slow down and allows sustained high speed travel safely. Freeways are up to 17 times safer than Expressways. Our region needs access to high speed freeways to allow us to get to far away points faster and safer, as well as to allow others to come here faster and safer. A freeway is cheaper than an expressway which widens existing roads and a freeway has significantly less impact on the local community.

Bob Spivey, Mayor of Windsor, Wallace Perry, Bertie County Commissioner and Zee Lamb, Bertie County Manger, discuss the information provided

The second controversy has to do with the plan Ahoskie and Hertford County Commissioners support on behalf of some of their population which is opposed to the overall plan for the region.

Ahoskie and Hertford County Commissioners have decided that rather than having a North South high speed corridor for the entire region, they want to make it easy for local Ahoskie people to drive to Greenville instead. A local group No on U.S. 13 Bypass has been formed to support the commissioners. They propose that the federal money for the U.S. 13 bypass be given up in hopes that they can persuade the State of North Carolina to give Ahoskie money to widen NC 11 all the way to Bethel as an Expressway. Forget the fact that an Expressway is vastly more lethal than a freeway and that the project to widen NC is vastly more expensive that the Ahoskie Bypass since it is more than twice as many miles. Those issues are important but ignored by Ahoskie and Hertford County Commissioners. In addition it is ignored that giving up this money probably ends for 2 or 3 generations ever getting a high speed North South corridor completed for Eastern North Carolina.

There is at least a secondary question of whether this NC 11 plan does not harm the business community of Ahoskie and Hertford County, even if this complex money swap giving up certain federal money for a hoped for state subsidy had any political chance of success. Doesn't this encourage people to take their money and spend it in Greenville instead of spending it in Ahoskie? Doesn't it mean that the chance to draw more businesses like Walmart to Ahoskie is damaged? Do the local Commissioners grasp that? Does the local business community understand that the NC 11 proposal may hurt them badly?

Map showing various optional paths to bypass Ahoskie

However even though Ahoskie and Hertford County Commissioners support this plan, why would anyone think that the rest of Eastern North Carolina would not resent their sabotaging the North South Corridor plan that benefits all? Can you give me any reason anyone else should back efforts to support the proposal to swap federal money for state money when it kills the high speed corridor that all have been waiting for? How does it benefit anyone but Hertford County?

Two high speed road projects will benefit huge parts of our region well beyond the immediate area of Hertford County. These two projects are; making U.S. 13 a freeway from Virginia down to Windsor and making U.S. 158 a freeway from I95 to Winton. The continued widening of U.S. 17 as a freeway will support the North South high speed corridor and benefit eco-tourism and historical tourism for all Eastern North Carolina. Ahoskie and Hertford County Commissioners should support the long term plan to build these high speed connections for the region.

A great number of the people present were, like these citizens, concerned about whether the roads would impact their personal property

The proposal to build a highway that benefits nothing but local shoppers who want to leave the area to shop just doesn't make sense . . . regionally or locally. Build a freeway bypass around Ahoskie.

Carpenter’s Tools - Be reminded! . . . .

2007-11-11T04:35:00.000-08:00

By Pastor Wallace Phillips – November 11th, 2007

A lady approached me in the post office of our town this past week. With a smile on her face, she said, “Thank you….thank you so much!” Her smile continued and I wondered what this dear lady was thankful for. I could not recall doing a good deed, stopping to assist her, or anything that involved her. She continued, “I just want to thank you.” She explained her gratitude of riding in to Ahoskie every day and being reminded by our billboards that “nothing is too hard for God”.

Where are you? Are you in a place that seems impossible? Wondering how you got where you are? Has the doctor said, “I’m sorry, but it’s cancer?” Are you facing the financial pressure of the end of another year with it’s holiday expectations? Are you alone? Just where are you today; in this season of your life? Let me remind you that there is nothing that is too hard for Him. Scripture reminds us that “with men some things are impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

Faith is the key that unlocks the doors that are closed in our lives so many times. And the doors don’t always swing open. Sometimes we have to wait. Be reminded that nothing that you are facing or will ever face is too difficult for God. Visit our website at www.nothingstoohardforGod.org. You will find amazing stories of lives that have been miraculously touched by His power.

Thanks for reading and have a faith-filled day.

Please visit us on the web at http://www.cscministries.com/ or http://www.wallacephillips.org/

Inner Banks Laughter - Political Humor

2007-11-04T02:26:00.000-08:00

Democrats Demand Respect

FTE Formula Fails To Add-up To $700,000 Deficit

2007-11-02T06:39:00.000-07:00

by Cal Bryant - October 31, 2007 - Roanoke-Chowan News-Herald

The figures do not add up.

At the Aug. 28 meeting of the Roanoke-Chowan Community College (RCCC) Board of Trustees, college president Dr. Ralph Soney broke the news of a $700,000 deficit in the school’s 2007-08 budget.

Dr. Soney explained that the majority of the deficit was tied to the loss of FTE (Full Time Equivalent) money RCCC receives annually from the state community college system for each student who is taking 16 hours of class instruction per semester for two semesters.

According to Dr. Soney, 22 FTE’s were lost in the area of Curriculum and three in Literacy (Basic Skills). He said drastic measures were necessary to balance the budget.

Cal then goes on to show that the loss was, " . . . a net FTE deficit of $87,106.16. That figure is a far cry from the $700,000 deficit Dr. Soney first reported in August."

What goes on here? Is there something going on that means some educators can't do simple math? Or is the RCCC President simply manipulating public opinion to fire some people he wants to fire?

Something just doesn't smell right in this situation. Someone needs to provide some credible information about loss of revenue or admit that RCCC is deceiving the public.

Thanks for bringing this to our attention Cal.

Inner Banks Laughter - Political Humor

2007-11-02T05:32:00.000-07:00

If you want to read Maureen Dowd making a parody of her own triteness, or Stephen Colbert making a parody of his own superficiality, you have to read this column. Dowd asked Colbert to write her column . . . and then let him actually do it.

After each made fun of the other for symptoms of alcoholism, they did their usual schtick. It is actually funny. Click on the title above or here to enjoy it all.

by Maureen Dowd - November 2nd, 2007 - The New York Times

He [Stephen Colbert] was sneering that Times columns make good “kindling.” He was ranting that after you throw away the paper, “it takes over a hundred years for the lies to biodegrade.”

by Stephen Colbert - November 2nd, 2007 - The New York Times

Bad things are happening in countries you shouldn’t have to think about. It’s all George Bush’s fault, the vice president is Satan, and God is gay.

There. Now I’ve written Frank Rich’s column too.

So why I am writing Miss Dowd’s column today? Simple. Because I believe the 2008 election, unlike all previous elections, is important.

The liberal who mocks being a liberal . . . .
The liberal who mocks being a conservative . . . .
These two now mock themselves. It has to be worth a laugh.

Bomb Threat Fails To Derail Anti-OLF Spirit

2007-10-28T06:33:00.000-07:00

by Cal Bryant - October 27th, 2007 - Roanoke-Chowan News-Herald

It’s been over one month since the Navy and North Carolina officials dropped a bomb, figuratively speaking, concerning six new possible sites for an OLF (Outlying Landing Field) in the Tar Heel state, including two in Gates County.

On Tuesday afternoon, not even the threat of a real bomb could keep hundreds of citizens from attending a meeting of the OLF Study Group.

[snip]

Once inside the spacious center, it didn’t take long to figure out that the well-behaved crowd was 100 percent in opposition of the Navy’s plans to possibly construct and operate an OLF in northeastern North Carolina.

Check out the pictures on the Chowan River Patriot article about the same event.

Carpenter’s Tools - God’s Audible Voice! . . . .

2007-10-27T06:29:00.000-07:00

By Pastor Wallace Phillips – October 26th, 2007

Several years ago, I was seated among hundreds of other ministers at an annual convention held in Winston Salem, N.C. Dr. George Wood uttered these words as he graced the pulpit to speak to those assembled --- “I’ve never heard the audible voice of God and frankly don’t care if I ever hear Him say a thing…”. A hush covered the crowd as we wondered where this was going. He continued, “…because I have discovered in the Bible that everyone who did hear God’s audible voice had a great price to pay in their lives.” Dr. Wood concluded that the “still small voice” and the inspired Word of God would be sufficient for him. I concur with the good Doctor!

However, I can say that I recently received a direct word from God and He chose to use my wife’s voice. Wow! Let me continue. I was mowing grass at my property in Chowan County and decided to take the riding mower down a 30 foot bluff to mow by the water’s edge. My dear wife said, “Honey don’t do that! That’s so dangerous!” She chided a second time – “Wallace Phillips, please don’t do that.” A third one came – “That’s so stupid. How are you going to get it back up here?”

Being the MAN that I am, I continued and told her that I could handle it. Long story short – I flipped the mower over on top of me and suffered some lacerations on my back and some vertebrae moved out of place. I was hurting; real bad. I was very fortunate. After several trips to one of Northeastern North Carolina’s very best chiropractors (Dr. Everett Larabee), I am doing quite well. I can say that I learned a great lesson and I HAVE heard God’s audible voice.

You have a great week and remember to listen for God to speak. He may do so with a voice that you hear every day.

Please visit us on the web at http://www.cscministries.com/ or http://www.wallacephillips.org/

Carpenter’s Tools - Scootin’ toward my blessing! . . . . .

2007-10-14T04:51:00.000-07:00

By Pastor Wallace Phillips – October 14th, 2007

Recently I experienced one of those “blah” days as I had been under a great deal of stress with life, ministry, building a house, etc. Well, this feeling had been upon me for a couple of days. I made my normal stop to the post office to pick up the mail and what do you think I would find in my mail? It was the very last thing that I would expect at 46 years old and in good health.

I received my invitation to look into my very own personal motorized wheel chair from “The Scooter Store”. You’ve seen them on TV. Some of you are using them, but you’re probably not in your mid forties. Ha! Ha! I opened the envelope to discover that they wanted me to respond for my free magnifying glass equipped ruler as well. Wow! In the midst of the post office, I cackled out with laughter. My pride was not hurt at all. I laughed and laughed and realized that God loved me enough to allow me to receive my invitation to “The Scooter Store”. Remember…Proverbs says “laughter doeth good like a medicine”. So…I’m scootin’ toward my blessing.

Bless the Lord and have an awesome week.

Please visit us on the web at http://www.cscministries.com/ or http://www.wallacephillips.org/

Carpenter’s Tools - Do your little thingy . . . . .

2007-10-06T04:59:00.000-07:00

By Pastor Wallace Phillips – October 6th, 2007

Recently I was asked to schedule a wedding. I was reminded of a former one that I had done with the saints at Carpenter’s Shop Church. It was the renewal of vows for Roland and Shirleen Garcia. Just prior to the ceremony the halls and offices were filled with people who were finding their places; preparing for their special roles in this joyous occasion.

My dear friend Jacob Terry was dressed and ready for his part as Ring Bearer. I looked at him and asked, “So..are you ready for your lines, Jacob? Do you know your lines?” He replied, “What?” You could see the surprise look on his face just at the thought of having to say something in the wedding.

I remarked, “Jacob, that’s what I do every week. I have to get on the stage and make sure I know my lines.” He said, “Yeah, you have to get up there and do your little thingy.” I’m not sure what I have employed to keep the minds and the attention of the younger ones, but somehow along the way, Jacob has assured me that I “do my thing” just right. He told me one day that he thought I was a good preacher.

Thanks Jacob! Thanks for being my friend. Thanks for being comfortable enough around your pastor to make ministry fun. Thanks for being a wonderful example of servanthood at a young age. You are an inspiration. Keep smilin’!

And let me remind you readers this week…”whatever you do, whether in word or in deed, do it all unto Christ.” Do your thingy!

Please visit us on the web at http://www.cscministries.com/ or http://www.wallacephillips.org/

Inner Banks Laughter - Job Humor

2007-10-05T07:08:00.000-07:00

A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to take pictures of a great forest fire. He was advised that a small plane would be waiting to fly him over the fire.

The photographer arrived at the airstrip just an hour before sundown. Sure enough, a small Cessna airplane was waiting. He jumped in with his equipment and shouted, "Let's go!" The tense man sitting in the pilot's seat swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air, though flying erratically.

"Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "And make several low-level passes."

"Why?" asked the nervous pilot.

"Because I'm going to take pictures!" yelled the photographer. "I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!"

The pilot replied, "You mean you're not the flight instructor?"

Inner Banks Laughter - Blonde Humor

2007-10-04T07:22:00.000-07:00

A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds."

When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"

The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."

"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.

"No, from skipping."

Gates Sites In OLF Bulls-eye

2007-09-22T05:16:00.000-07:00

by Cal Bryant - September 22nd, 2007 - Roanoke-Chowan News-Herald

GATESVILLE - Two sites in Gates County are among those being studied to possibly site the U.S. Navy’s Outlying Landing Field (OLF).

In regards to that issue, the Gates County Board of Commissioners have scheduled a special called meeting at 7 p.m. on Monday in the courtroom of the Gates County Courthouse.

Interim Gates County Manager Melinda Hoggard said Monday’s meeting is open to the public.

This is an important issue. The problem is that the Navy has allowed this to become a political issue because they are so dependent on politics to prepare to fight the current war against Islamofascism, a war that is expected to go on for a generation or two.

World War III, the cold war, was won when one man, Ronald Reagan, recognized the weakness of communism (its socialist economic system) and predicted that we could bring down the Soviet Union by making them spend themselves into bankruptcy. It worked.

I am not sure that anyone has yet seen the vision of how to defeat Islamofascism and win the current war, World War IV, in which we find ourselves, so it is difficult to know what is important.

This OLF issue is not a huge issue for our pilots at this point. That is part of the problem. The reality is our pilots are currently being trained and getting the practice this field is intended to provide at other fields. There is no real urgency to the issue. The concern of the Navy is way out in the future. The fields at which pilots are getting the practice they need are close in to towns and allow our enemies to watch the strategies the pilots practice. In addition the town's citizens are hostile to the training runs that are being done. We could lose the current fields or have practice curtailed or expose tactics we don't want exposed.

If the Islamofascists win control of another two or three Muslim countries, tactics could become a key issue in defeating the nuclear attacks that will become their standard methods of that future time.

Those who are opposed to building the OLF anywhere are enemies of our nation. Some of those who claim to be against a particular site are really against any OLF anywhere. That does not mean that opponents of a particular site are not justified.

Other issues are at stake too. Both Virginia and North Carolina have bases that provide huge economic benefit they do not want to lose. Neither wants this base built in a location that could encourage movement of these bases at some future time. So they want the OLF built convenient to their current bases. That constrains the choices the Navy has as well.

This political component makes it difficult to criticize those who are opposed to most of the sites since it is easy to portray them as political choices, not logical choices.

It is going to be interesting to see how this battle plays out.

Inner Banks Laughter - Blonde Humor

2007-09-21T08:38:00.000-07:00

Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?

Because she threw out all the W's!

Inner Banks Laughter - Marriage Humor

2007-09-20T05:39:00.000-07:00

A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers.
The guy says, "Who is this?"

"This is the maid," answers the woman.

"We don't have a maid," says the man.

The woman says, "I was hired this morning by the lady of the house."

The man says, "Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"

The woman replies, "She is upstairs in the bed room with someone who I figured was her husband."

After a monent of stunned silence the guy starts fuming and says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?"

The maid says, "What will I have to do?"

The man tells her, "I want you to get my gun from my desk, and shoot the witch and the jerk she's with."

The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots.

The maid comes back to the phone, "What do I do with the bodies?"

The man says, "Throw them in the swimming pool."

Puzzled, the maid answers, "But you don't have a pool."

A long pause and the man says, "Is this 555-5309?"

Inner Banks Laughter - Political Humor

2007-09-19T07:17:00.000-07:00

Mitt Romney, the former Massachusetts governor, often tells audiences that before he arrived at whatever location he is at that day he asked his wife, "Ann, did you ever in your wildest dreams think that I'd be here in (fill in town) speaking to (fill in group)?"

He then gives her response: "Mitt, you weren't in my wildest dreams."

Sell Your Soul To The DOT

2007-09-18T08:41:00.000-07:00

by Cal Bryant - September 17th, 2007 - Roanoke-Chowan News-Herald

Apparently, I’m not alone in the fact that no Town of Ahoskie official has made contact with anyone in our neck of the woods. I’ve spoken with a few of my neighbors and they said the only thing they knew about the proposed bypass was what they read in The News-Herald last week.

Perhaps I’m too naïve, but I thought the town officials would at least have the courtesy to let those affected property owners know of their intentions to support Alternative #12 before they actually approved a resolution which will disrupt our lives.

Whoops, I forgot….we live outside of town, therefore we cannot vote for the leadership within Ahoskie’s borders. But yet our fate rests in their hands.

I agree with Cal that I do not understand the leadership of Ahoskie. The counter proposal to the original by-pass plan was incredibly stupid if Ahoskie wants to keep growing. Why would Ahoskie propose a solution that made it easy for Ahoskie people to go shop in Greenville and did nothing to get people from other areas to get to the big stores on the east side of Ahoskie? Do they really not appreciate how much business gets drawn to Ahoskie by Walmart . . . which then shops in other stores and businesses in Ahoskie as a result? You have to use the big stores to draw customers as a first step. This is a simple rule of modern city planning. That means you must get a Freeway to bring people to the big stores.

Though the elimination of a dangerous intersection (the 11 - 561 crossroads) is a good idea, the new bypass route #12 is further away from the current business community's big stores than the original bypass. That means that rather than bring people from long distances to Ahoskie, it will encourage traffic to bypass Ahoskie and go to cities with easier proximity to their large stores.

It is not just the secrecy of the Ahoskie leaders that seems unacceptable. Their logic seems unacceptable too.

Inner Banks Laughter - Relationship Humor

2007-09-09T09:54:00.000-07:00

One day, Adam sat outside the Garden of Eden shortly after eating the apple, and wondered about men and women. So looking up to the heavens he says, "Excuse me God, can I ask you a few questions?"

God replied, "Go on Adam, but be quick. I have a world to create."

So Adam says," When you created Eve, why did You make her body so curvy and tender unlike mine?" "I did that, Adam, so that you could love her."

"Oh, well then, why did You give her long, shiny, beautiful hair, and not me?" "I did that Adam so that you could love her."

"Oh, well then, why did You make her so stupid? Certainly not so that I could love her?" "Well Adam, No. I did that so that she could love you."

Inner Banks Laughter - Married Humor

2007-09-08T10:16:00.000-07:00

A married man left from work early one Friday afternoon. Instead of going home, however, he squandered the weekend (and his paycheck) partying with the boys. When he finally returned home on Sunday night, he ran into a barrage of epithets from his wife. After a couple of hours of nagging and berating, his wife asked "How would you like it if you didn't see ME for a couple of days??"

"That would suit me just fine!!" the man said.

Monday went by, and the man didn't see his wife. Tuesday went by with the same result. Wednesday went by and he STILL didn't see her. Thursday, the swelling went down a bit and he could see her a little, just out of the corner of his left eye.

Inner Banks Laughter - Relationship Humor

2007-09-07T10:09:00.000-07:00

Love: The act of associating horniness with a particular person.

Love At First Sight: What occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet.

Fred Smith Statewide BBQ Tour In Halifax County

2007-09-06T23:06:00.000-07:00

The Fred Smith Statewide BBQ Tour is becoming famous, especially in small counties of North Carolina. Fred is known for his hard work and taking the extra effort. That he is actually going to every county in North Carolina to meet with the people is appreciated as Senator Smith campaigns for Governor of North Carolina.

That this tour is not the typical sweep through and meet VIPs is appreciated by the people who want to get to know him. Fred is also personally signing his autobiography for anyone who comes out. He will be coming to your area and if you want to meet this man so many want to see be our next governor, all you have to do is take a couple of hours from your schedule. Fred will be in your area soon.

What brings the people out? Fred Smith's story is about the values of hard work, honesty, loyalty and the qualities that made America great. From his mother, a teacher and his father,a coach-- he learned two important lessons- If you work hard and get a good education, you can acheive the American Dream!

Below is the bus that was the center of our convoy from the BBQ in Martin County at noon to the evening event in Roanoke Rapids. Since I was covering both events, I got to tag along on the convoy from Martin County up to Halifax County. That was a fun time too. Fred's comments about the day can be found on his web site here. Fred touches on some of the sights we saw in our beautiful state as the convoy passed through.

Wedenesday night Fred was at the Kirkwood Adams Community Center, in the community of Roanoke Rapids, working hard as usual after a very long day of meeting the people of North Carolina.

As people started to arrive Joe Humphries worked hard to get everyone checked in, and for those who forgot their copy of the autobiography, Joe had some extra copies on hand.

There was an excellent turn out for a week night, and the nearly 50 people who showed up were treated to some great BBQ.

Gene Minton greeted everyone and acted as Master of Cermonies.

Howard Smith led the pledge of allegiance.

Pastor Randy Martin introduced Fred to the gathering.

Senator Fred Smith (shown below) spoke of his love for our State of North Carolina, and his belief that government is out of touch with what the majority of people want. He talked about the things that make us great and the things that help us enjoy the freedom of our great nation America. Though I have seen him make a powerful speech in a more formal environment, these talks are always low key and personal. It is part of what makes them such a great connection between Fred and the people who come out.

Afterwards Fred always takes time to finish signing autographs and talking with those who came to meet him. Fred really lives the theme of his autobiography, "The difference between good and great is a little extra effort.

The Halifax County stop on the Fred Smith Statewide BBQ was a resounding success thanks to all the great people who came out.

Eric Earhart Leads "Nothing Is Too Hard For God"

2007-08-27T08:33:00.000-07:00

Eric Earhart led the service at the Carpenter's Shop Church Yesterday. Eric's story is a perfect example of the forgiveness of Jesus Chirst, the savior. I got a chance to meet Eric and his wife and son as I entered the church. They are a nice family.

The Assemby of God has used Eric's story as an example of the foregiveness of the Lord Jesus Christ, and you can see their video by clicking on the title above. When the next page opens up, place your mouse over the video screen and click on the right arrow on the bar at the bottom to start the video.

The service started with worship and there was a very good crowd this day (shown below) who had come to hear Eric's message directly.

Reverend Willie Moore was the worship leader and he created a great mood for the congregation.

The great CSC choir provided the music background for the congretation's voices.

Eric's sermon for this day was on the things that will make us a candidate for forgiveness. The biblical refrence was taken from Luke 4;18, "The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised."

What makes one a candidate for forgiveness? Eric insists that his story is actually a story of God's love and not about him. Hist story is about how we all qualify for God's forgiveness as taken from this list in Luke, the poor, borkenhearted, captives, blind and bruised. Is there anyone who is not one of these?

Eric's close was also a reminder that we are all sinners, 1 Timorthy 1;15, "This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief."

The sincerity of his message affected all who were there, and many came for personal guidance during the alter call.

Carpenter’s Tools - Is it too hard for God? . . . . .

2007-08-20T08:09:00.000-07:00

By Pastor Wallace Phillips – August 20th, 2007

Well…here we go again. I’ll just bet that some of you are saying “Is he running this again?” Yep! He is. I’m excited because the “Nothing’s Too Hard For God” campaign is upon us. Carpenter’s Shop Church and nothingstoohardforgod.org are teaming up for Spirit Week ’07 – an exciting week of services geared to meet the challenges of today’s society. I have asked dynamic stories to be shared from some of the best speakers in this region. If you’re wondering what the subject matter will be, I have posted some information for you below. Tell your family. Tell your friends…your co-workers…your neighbors….tell’em to join you for a powerful experience at Spirit Week ’07 at The Carpenter’s Shop Church. Here’s the docket….

Day/Date/Time Service Speaker/Topic
Sunday / August 26th /10:30 AM --- Eric Earhart / Forgiveness
(view Eric's story by clicking here and then clicking on the right arrow at the bottom left of the box that says "Forgiveness" to start the great video)

Sunday / August 26th / 7:00 PM --- Sal Dibianca / Addiction & Deliverance

Monday / August 27th / 12 NOON --- Rich Burkett / Physical Healing
Monday / August 27th / 7:00 PM --- Willie Moore / Spiritual Oppression

Tuesday / August 28th / 12 NOON --- Larry Caldwell / Financial Provision
Tuesday / August 28th / 7:00 PM --- David Metz / Relationships

Wednesday / August 29th / 12 NOON --- Geneva Gladney / Loneliness
Wednesday / August 29th / 7:00 PM --- Angel Casiano / Grief & Loss

Please visit us on the web at http://www.cscministries.com/ or http://www.wallacephillips.org/

Easley Supports New County Taxes

2007-08-16T05:01:00.000-07:00

There is an article posted on the Inner Banks Eagle about the attempt by North Carolina to raise your County taxes. It is politics so we posted the article in on the "Eagle". However some have asked me to make people who read the Patriot blogs aware of the article since it will affect so many middle class people who don't know they may have the value of their homes seized by government. Click on the title above to see what is being proposed.

Inner Banks Laughter - Technical Humor

2007-08-15T06:28:00.001-07:00

This week I was showing a customer the pricing for a new laptop computer for their son to take to college. It included wireless Internet, a camera to take movies and allow picture phone calls to home and online backup. It was $1,000. The price was a concern.

It reminded me of how far we have come. Above is an ad for the PC that was the HOT, NEW THING IN LATE 1989. A Tandy Computer that did not include a Monitor, or a Mouse (those were an extra $1,000 by themselves) and if you wanted text only Internet it would set you back another $1,000 per month for a fractional T-1 line.

The inflation adjusted price for this pitifully slow, DOS based Tandy computer in 2007 dollars would be $30,000. Things have really changed!

Inner Banks Laughter - Religious Humor

2007-08-11T06:07:00.001-07:00

Are you sure?

Inner Banks Laughter - Religious Humor

2007-08-06T11:45:00.000-07:00

Two men crashed in their private plane on a South Pacific Island. Both survived. One of the men brushed himself off and then proceeded to run all over the island to see if they had any chance of survival. When he returned, he rushed up to the other man and screamed, "This island is uninhabited, there is no food, there is no water. We are going to die!"

The other man leaned back against the fuselage of the wrecked plane, folded his arms and responded, " No we're not. I make over $250,000 a week."

The first man grabbed his friend and shook him. "Listen, we are on an uninhabited island. There is no food, no water. We are going to die!" The other man, unruffled, again responded. " No, I make over $250,000 a week."

Mystified, the first man, taken aback with such an answer again repeated, "For the last time, I'm telling you we ARE doomed. There is NO one else on this island. There is NO food. There is NO water. We are, I repeat, we are going to die a slow death."

Still unfazed, the first man looked the other in the eyes and said, Do not make me say this again. I make over $250,000 per week... I am a Baptist and tithe. MY PASTOR WILL FIND US!"

Al-Pam Conservative Club

2007-08-03T03:31:00.000-07:00

The Al-Pam Conservative Club met this month in Catherine's 1770 Restaurant in Ahoskie. It is a beautiful place, in an historic former home on the outskirts of Ahoskie. Catherine's is famous for their seafood buffet.

There was a very good turnout for last evenings event (shown below) and everyone tried out the famous buffet.

After the meal Chris East (shown below), President of the Al-Pam Conservative Club, welcomed the audience to Ahoskie. There was some discussion of the current status of the Hertford County Republican Party. As of yesterday, the needed organization report had not been filed with the State Party. The secretary of the Hertford County Republican Party was at the meeting and agreed she would find out what happened to the report and get it filed in a timely fashion.

Chris then introduced the speaker for the evening, Jeff Nixon from the Civitas Institute. Jeff first talked about the Civitas organization, a non-profit and therefore non-partisan organization based in Raleigh that promotes conservative values to the legislature and reports on legislative activities. Jeff described the Civitas goal as keeping the legislature from ambushing North Carolina citizens.

The focus of Jeff's talk; activities in this year's North Carolina legislature as it winds down its sessions. Jeff spoke about numerous issues, including the serious concern that we are rapidly approaching one party rule in North Carolina. The stolen elections based on illegal gerry mandered districts, a result of the Jim Black bribery of Decker, are still affecting our state. Though more citizens voted for Republicans in the last two elections than Democrats, the democrats still hold power because of this bribe and the district layouts that assure Democrat control even though they receive fewer votes. The Democrats have adopted an arrogant indifference to fair government and shut Republicans out of all decisions. They do this by constantly changing or ignoring the rules by which the legislature is supposed to work.

Some of the citizen opposed issues that are being jammed through? One stop registration and voting, tax-payer funded elections, killing the death penalty and changing the rules for "do not resuscitate" living wills.

Jeff gave an excellent presentation and the audience was very appreciative.

Carpenter’s Tools - Nothing’s Too Hard For God!. . .

2007-07-27T11:11:00.000-07:00

By Pastor Wallace Phillips - July 27th, 2007

Impossible? The Scriptures remind us that with men some things are impossible, but with God all things are possible! Faith is the key that unlocks doors. I am blessed…absolutely blessed to know Eric Earhart. He is just one story among many of those who were deemed impossible. Many thought that this robust character who grew up in a home without any influence of Christ would never be set free from the chains that bound him to a life of hatred and violence. But God!!!

That’s right! God who is rich in mercy knew Eric before he was a thought. And the pages of his life unfold to a beautiful story of forgiveness. You can see it for yourself. Go to the website…..www.nothingstoohardforGod.org and you can see his story among others whose lives are proclaim “nothing…nothing….nothing is too hard for our God!”

In August Carpenter’s Shop Church will feature this campaign in a series of meetings. Eric Earhart will kick off the event on Sunday morning, August 26th at 10:00 AM. Mark your calendar….invite your friends….bring the lost. Why? Because nothing is too hard for our God! Jesus reigns!

Please visit us on the web at http://www.cscministries.com/ or http://www.wallacephillips.org/

Inner Banks Laughter - Jay Leno Humor

2007-07-22T02:28:00.000-07:00

John Edwards said today that he has always supported gay rights. Edwards said the only problem he’s ever had with gays is that they charge too much for a haircut . . . .

Click on the title above for more. Thanks to Al Lytton for compiling these!

Inner Banks Laughter - Political Humor

2007-07-20T07:37:00.000-07:00

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the Governor's Mansion in Raleigh. One from Charlotte, another from Winston-Salem and the third, Raleigh. They go with an official of the Governor's staff to examine the fence.

The Charlotte contractor takes out a tape measure and does some Measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The Winston-Salem contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The Raleigh contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the official of the Governor's staff and whispers, "$2,700."

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

The Raleigh contractor whispers back, "$1,000 for me, $1,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Winston-Salem to fix the fence."

"Done!" replies the official.

Inner Banks Laughter - Religious Humor

2007-07-16T03:30:00.000-07:00

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that evolution had created.

"What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself. As he was walking along the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. When he turned to see what the cause was, he saw a 7-foot grizzly charging right towards him. He ran as fast as he could. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing, He ran even faster, crying in fear. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pounding and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up, but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.

At that moment, the Atheist cried out "Oh my God!...." Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don''t exist; and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as Christian now, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?" "Very well," said the voice.

The light went out. The river ran again. And the sounds of the forest resumed.

And then the bear dropped his right paw ..... brought both paws together...bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful."

Carpenter’s Tools - All Dressed Up and . . . . .

2007-07-13T07:16:00.000-07:00

By Pastor Wallace Phillips – July 13th, 2007

You’ve heard it I’m quite sure - “All dressed up and no place to go”. That’s the title I’m using for my second book, scheduled to be available in the Fall of 2007. It chronicles some headline stories of actual things that are keeping people from the house of the Lord today. Racial prejudice, socio-economic pressure, and even health issues keep people from an active and vibrant experience of corporate worship. They’re dressed in spirit, but lack the openness of the local church to be fulfilled in that awesome corporate design that God’s stamp of approval is upon. He said, “Forsake not the assembling of yourselves together…” in the Book of Hebrews.

Some are not welcome in the local gathering because of race. Some are not welcome in the worship setting because they don’t rate with the rest in the house in terms of finance. Others cannot find a place of worship that will minister to God’s special people who find themselves mentally challenged. They are dressed and ready to go, but can they find an open place of worship where their needs are met?

I’m concerned about the church at large today. She’s not the open institution that God wants her to be. We are open……. with conditions. Many churches snub their nose at folk because they are of another race. Many are turned away because they don’t meet the criteria of dress or presentation. Many would love to enter the church, but know the church cannot handle their physical or emotional condition.

All dressed up and no place to go…..it’s a book…..coming your way…..in the Fall.

Please visit us on the web at http://www.cscministries.com/ or http://www.wallacephillips.org/

Jet-setting Pop Stars No Problem For Live Earth Fans

2007-07-09T13:28:00.000-07:00

by Staff - July 8th, 2007 Brietbart (AFP)

Live Earth organiser Al Gore, former US vice president turned green campaigner, answered criticism of Live Earth's stars in British newspaper The Independent on Saturday.

"We are in a transition time in history when the only way we can get to where we need to be is by starting from where we are," he said.

What? Has anyone ever said anything more inane? Where is the sarcasm of the MSM? Where is the putdown that would surely have rocked the planet if George Bush said something this dumb? Can you say double standard?

Al Gore is still the king of the idiots.

ROTFL

Happy Birthday America

2007-07-04T04:41:00.000-07:00

by Armstrong Williams - July 4th, 2007 - Townhall.com

French Writer and politician Alexis de Tocqueville noted over a century ago:

“I sought for the greatness and genius of America in her commodious harbors and her ample rivers, and it was not there; in the fertile fields and boundless prairies, and it was not there; in her rich mines and her vast world commerce, and it was not there. Not until I went into the churches of America and heard her pulpits aflame with righteousness did I understand the secret of her genius and power. America is great because America is good – and if America ever ceases to be good, America will cease to be great.”

As we continually witness the constant struggles of many countries, and with due respect to our allies and enemies, the United States of America is still the most successful country.

God bless America.

Carpenter’s Tools - One Potato, Two Potato . . . .

2007-06-29T11:15:00.000-07:00

By Pastor Wallace Phillips – June 29th, 2007

“One potato, two potato, three potato four….” Remember that one? I do. I think of it each time our ministry gives those taters’ away. We had the honor of doing so on several times in our ministry. It’s a blessing to seed individuals come into our parking lot to pick up a fifty pound sack of spuds. Everyone can use potatoes. Considering the price of gas today, I think everyone qualifies as having a need for some help with the food bill.

I thank the Lord for the opportunity that we have to be a blessing to the masses several times a year. It’s amazing to see over 40,000 pounds of potatoes given away in a couple of hours. They go like “hot cakes”. I wonder if we could give away some of them?

The Lord tells us that it is better to give than to receive. I ‘m thoroughly convinced that the blessing of the Lord is upon our ministry because we have an open hand in many ways. Just this past week we were able to bless a church with some chairs. We weren’t using them. So…we blessed a new church with some seating. One seat, two seats, three seats, four…. The blessing goes on.

What do you have that you can give to the Kingdom of God? Maybe you can evaluate your personal inventory. Liquidate some of the things that you don’t need and get them in the hands of someone who can use them. You have been given much and “to whom much is given, much is required.”

Have an awesome week and remember the blessing of the Lord. Count them one by one. One blessing, two blessings, three blessings, four . . . .

They are never-ending.

Please visit us on the web at http://www.cscministries.com/ or http://www.wallacephillips.org/

Inner Banks Laughter - Blonde Humor

2007-06-25T07:38:00.000-07:00

Another blonde GUY joke. Looks like they are becoming more popular.

After a really good party a man walks into a bar and orders a drink. Already drunk, the man turns to the person sitting next to him and says, "You wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The person replies, "I am 240 pounds, world kickboxing champion and a natural blonde. My friend is 190 pounds, world judo champion and is a natural blonde. And my other friend is 200 pounds, world arm wrestling champion and is also a natural blonde. Do you still want to tell me that blonde joke?"

The man thinks for a while and replies, "No, I guess not. Not if I have to explain it three times."

Carpenter’s Tools - Nothing’s Too Hard For God! . .

2007-06-22T09:10:00.000-07:00

By Pastor Wallace Phillips – June 22nd, 2007

Impossible?

The Scriptures remind us that with men some things are impossible, but with God all things are possible! Faith is the key that unlocks doors. I am blessed…absolutely blessed to know Eric Earhart. He is just one story among many of those who were deemed impossible. Many thought that this robust character who grew up in a home without any influence of Christ would never be set free from the chains that bound him to a life of hatred and violence. But God!!!

That’s right! God who is rich in mercy knew Eric before he was a thought. And the pages of his life unfold to a beautiful story of forgiveness. You can see it for yourself. Go to the website…..www.nothingstoohardforGod.org and you can see his story among others whose lives proclaim “nothing…nothing….nothing is too hard for our God!”

In August Carpenter’s Shop Church will feature this campaign in a series of meetings. Eric Earhart will kick off the event on Sunday morning, August 26th at 10:00 AM. Mark your calendar….invite your friends….bring the lost. Why? Because nothing is too hard for our God!

Jesus reigns!

Please visit us on the web at http://www.cscministries.com/ or http://www.wallacephillips.org/

Inner Banks Laughter - Political Humor

2007-06-22T06:23:00.000-07:00

“Freedom is about authority. Freedom is about the willingness of every single human being to cede to lawful authority a great deal of discretion about what you do."
--Rudy Giuliani

What? Rudy, that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. Freedom is about ceding to some government bueracrat power to tell me what to do? Please tell me you didn't really say this. Or conversely please tell me you were drunk. Something.

ROTFL

Inner Banks Laughter - Religious Humor

2007-06-22T03:51:00.001-07:00

Inner Banks Laughter - Life Humor

2007-06-17T09:17:00.000-07:00

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain ... Good.

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoa beans ... another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' *is* a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets -- and remember:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather ........ to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - strawberries in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming - WOO HOO! What a Ride!

The Strength of a Man

2007-06-17T07:10:00.000-07:00

The strength of a man isn't in the deep tone of his voice. It's in the gentle words he whispers.

The strength of a man isn't how many buddies he has. It's how good of buddies he is with his children.

The strength of a man isn't in how respected he is at work. It's in how respected he is at home.

The strength of a man isn't in how hard he hits. It's in how tender he touches.

The strength in a man isn't in the hair on his chest. It's in his Heart . . . that lies within his chest.

The strength of a man isn't in the weight he can lift. It's in the burdens he can carry.

Carpenter’s Tools - A Letter or Two! . . . . .

2007-06-14T23:23:00.000-07:00

By Pastor Wallace Phillips – June 15th, 2007

It’s amazing how just a letter or two can make a major difference. Recently two ladies in our congregation were planning to meet for a little fellowship here in Ahoskie. One of them said to the other….”Meet me at Wendy’s at 5:30 PM on Wednesday before church.” The two ladies agreed and at 5:30 PM one of the ladies arrives at Wendy’s, while the other one arrives at Andy’s. Both sat and waited for an extended time.

Finally, one of the ladies comes to the church a little before 7:00 PM and is terribly worried about her friend. She had backtracked to the places that she thought she would find her, to no avail. Momentarily she arrives at the church also, realizing that “Wendy’s and Andy’s” are close, but a letter or two makes a major difference.

The same is true in the biblical sense. John opens his gospel by telling us that “In the beginning was the Word; the Word was with God, and the Word was God.” (KJV). Our friends who knock on doors and follow the New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures (Jehovah Witnesses) have included the article “a” in this foundational passage making it read like this --- “…the Word was with God, and the Word was a god.” That, my friend is deadly! It kills the very foundation of biblical truth. John goes on to tell us that “the Word became flesh” in the life of Jesus Christ. Christ is the Word! But one little letter inserted in the text destroys the very deity of Christ. He was not “a god”! He was God and IS God!

Be careful! A letter or two can make a major difference. And….it can rob you of your hamburger and your fellowship with a friend.

Oh…by the way….Andy’s has the better burger! Have a great week and serve the Lord Jesus with gladness.

Please visit us on the web at http://www.cscministries.com/ or http://www.wallacephillips.org/

Inner Banks Laughter - Age Humor

2007-06-13T19:08:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, surely I can't look that old?" Well... You'll love this one.

I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 40-odd years ago. Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This grey-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate. Hmmm ........ Or could he? After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High School.

"Yes. Yes, I did. I’m a mustang," he gleamed with pride.

"When did you graduate?" I asked.

He answered, "In 1959, why do you ask?"

"You were in my class!" I exclaimed.

He looked at me closely.

Then, that ugly, old, wrinkled SOB asked, "What did you teach?"

Carpenter’s Tools - Eternal Tickets . . . . .

2007-06-08T08:50:00.000-07:00

By Pastor Wallace Phillips – June 7th, 2007

A lady in Phoenix, Arizona, has racked up 70 speeding tickets in the last five months. According to a Scottsdale police spokesman, Mark Clark, the driver did not pay any of them but instead just threw the tickets away. She told arresting officers she was speeding because she seemed to be late for client meetings all the time. Clark summarized, “I guess she’s got some time management issues.” She has worse issues than that. When asked why she had not paid any of the 70 tickets, the woman replied she thought nothing could happen to her if she didn’t pay them. She faces $11,000 in fines alone, and maybe some prison time. AOL news polled 33,000 subscribers on the story, and 95% of them thought the woman should lose her license.

How can any rational person think he or she could get away with failure to pay speeding tickets? They are all noted on the police books. They are not just going to vanish. But that makes me think, how can any sane person believe he or she can neglect so great salvation without paying the ultimate price for it? The Bible clearly states that all people everywhere are commanded by God to repent, and asks “how shall we escape if we neglect so great salvation?” The Creator warns that His Spirit will not always strive with mankind. Yet, like that Arizona lady, most folks just ignore all the warnings - thinking somehow that no accounting before the Throne will ever be necessary.

I imagine it is wake-up time for that Arizona driver. And one day it will be eternal wake-up for lots of folks who threw their eternal tickets away.

Please visit us on the web at http://www.cscministries.com/ or http://www.wallacephillips.org/

Inner Banks Laughter - Government Humor

2007-06-06T21:55:00.000-07:00

Government requires small businesses in America to fill out paperework at a cost of 130 million man hours a year. That blizzard of papework adds $30 to $40 billion a year to the costs of products you buy. It is not free, and almost no one gets any benefit from it, except for the tens of thousands of government officials who have high paid jobs to check the paperwork. That is another $30 to $40 billion a year out of the pockets of American taxpayers.

Are you laughing yet?

Inner Banks Laughter - Relationship Humor

2007-06-03T20:13:00.000-07:00

One day, Adam sat outside the Garden of Eden shortly after eating the apple, and wondered about men and women. So looking up to the heavens he says, "Excuse me God, can I ask you a few questions?" God replied, "Go on Adam, but be quick. I have a world to create." So Adam says," When you created Eve, why did You make her body so curvy and tender unlike mine?"

"I did that, Adam, so that you could love her." "Oh, well then, why did You give her long, shiny, beautiful hair, and not me?"

"I did that Adam so that you could love her." "Oh, well then, why did You make her so stupid? Certainly not so that I could love her?" "Well Adam, No. I did that so that she could love you."

Inner Banks Laughter - Male Humor

2007-05-28T17:33:00.000-07:00

According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes.

And women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.